It is quite windy today and it was through the night and yesterday. I hate wind and have since I was a small child. At least I hate this kind of wind, wind without associated lightening and thunder. I rather like storms and even pleasant summer breezes. It's only this kind of wind that bothers me, wind that makes noise and tosses things about; it makes me uneasy and quite cross somehow.
I think of it swirling around all the new pollen, not a good thing for my allergies. I think of it knocking the small buds off the ornamental cherry tree before they can bloom and I can see them again. It is even shredding the lovely daffodils and hyacinths by the front door before I can enjoy them. I think that it is likely my last spring in my home and I want to see and enjoy the tree once more.
There seems to be a lot of "wind" in my life right now tossing things to and fro. In two more months my of of 6.5 years ends. It will be "gone" without another to look forward to, no job, no leads, nothing of promise. I think of selling my home before I've ever fully unpacked, decorated and really "lived" here. I think of my adult children, a great joy in my life, and their impending move as well. They leave their cozy apartment just a few miles from this house in the summer and move across the country as they continue their new life together. I think of the body that does not obey the brain and the pain that sucks life out of me. I feel tossed about and torn by the wind in my life and I realize that I am afraid.
Each time there is a quiet period to "catch my breath" and I think perhaps that the wind has finally subsided, it starts up again with high gusts that whistle through the windows and trees. Each time, something new becomes dislodged, another job rejection, my parents deteriorating health. I wish the wind would stop and I could hear the quiet. I feel as though I need to hear the quiet. I think that I can only hear the Holy Spirit if it gets quiet. But then I remember that God spoke to Job IN the whirlwind, not in the quiet. He spoke to Job in a way that Job could finally hear at at time when all of life was turned upside down.
I still want the wind to stop - but more than that, I want to hear the voice of a Living God speaking to me in the midst of it.
I think of it swirling around all the new pollen, not a good thing for my allergies. I think of it knocking the small buds off the ornamental cherry tree before they can bloom and I can see them again. It is even shredding the lovely daffodils and hyacinths by the front door before I can enjoy them. I think that it is likely my last spring in my home and I want to see and enjoy the tree once more.
There seems to be a lot of "wind" in my life right now tossing things to and fro. In two more months my of of 6.5 years ends. It will be "gone" without another to look forward to, no job, no leads, nothing of promise. I think of selling my home before I've ever fully unpacked, decorated and really "lived" here. I think of my adult children, a great joy in my life, and their impending move as well. They leave their cozy apartment just a few miles from this house in the summer and move across the country as they continue their new life together. I think of the body that does not obey the brain and the pain that sucks life out of me. I feel tossed about and torn by the wind in my life and I realize that I am afraid.
Each time there is a quiet period to "catch my breath" and I think perhaps that the wind has finally subsided, it starts up again with high gusts that whistle through the windows and trees. Each time, something new becomes dislodged, another job rejection, my parents deteriorating health. I wish the wind would stop and I could hear the quiet. I feel as though I need to hear the quiet. I think that I can only hear the Holy Spirit if it gets quiet. But then I remember that God spoke to Job IN the whirlwind, not in the quiet. He spoke to Job in a way that Job could finally hear at at time when all of life was turned upside down.
I still want the wind to stop - but more than that, I want to hear the voice of a Living God speaking to me in the midst of it.
25 comments:
Yes, Deb and I were at Meijer Gardens on Saturday. The wind ripped both of our umbrellas in the downpour. Even so we had a wonderful time.
Yes, we do need so much to hear his voice. In the wind of life, like Job. Maybe in the gentle whisper like Elijah.
May the Lord help you, Susan especially during this time to hear his voice and may that be confirmed in a number of ways. May he give you his peace.
May God give us ears to hear and eyes to see, and the grace to follow.
I must echo Ted's benediction.
Wind has always fascinated me. It's the power of it all. I feel the gusts, see the effects and am moved in awe of such strength.
Good thoughts, Susan. (Wow, I sound like Ted!) What I mean is: I think the wind analogy is a good and fitting one for what you described. Clearly we're getting swept away and blown to VA! Too bad you're not getting blown to THE V.A.!
Drew? Was OH logged in again?
Ouch! :)
Good thoughts Suzie Q.
(Drew sounds like Ted, disguised as Olivia, and I sound like Martin Stickland)
haha. I'm still trying to wake up, and I'm supposed to be a morning person!
Litl-Luther, you know Martin Stickland? There's a blogjacking happening over there... come on over!
'Renzo and Maalie would be most welcome, but I think they're away right now.
Yes, there is a lot of wind outside and in your life...everyone's, really. It is seasons and the uncertainty of the future. Jesus calmed the storm, and as you so appropriately mentioned, God spoke out of the whirlwind, and He was the still small voice after the wind when He hid Moses in the cleft of the rock...Hide yourself in the cleft of the Rock, and trust that He really does know what is best for you.
Hey Craver,
Yes. Martin Stickland keeps me laughing. His posts are often so funny. It is the funniest site I've come across, but I haven't visited in awhile. I'll have to do that right now.
Simon,
I meant to tell you that you will be happy (?) to know that I am back in Kathmandu — no longer in hotel rooms, but rather, I am back in my big beautiful house. And yes, there are countless people here less fortunate than me. I often say that I am very rich when in Nepal and quite poor when in America.
I'm not in Nepal to meet every need of people (which would be impossible even if I was as rich as Donald Trump). But I am here to preach the Good News of Jesus Christ and to exalt His name and glory.
I am saddened by the shocking waste of surplus cognative resource invested both in writing and commenting on sites such as this.
Dr G
Dear Dr. G - normally I would say "welcome to our conversations", but given your sentiments, perhaps I'll just let you in on the rules.
No anonymous comments are allowed - so thank you for signing a "name". General civility is required. That's about it.
For an uninterested party who thinks this is a waste of time, you (or your IP address) have spent quite a lot of time here over the near past. May I ask why you think this is such a waste of time? Not, of course, that I think my writing is stellar or my thoughts higher than those of others. However, we do have some interesting conversations from time to time and get a chance to get to know people we otherwise would not. That seems to be worth the time spent.
Nevermind the slam about wasted cognitive resources, G-dog didn't even bring food! Dude, you don't come to a party empty handed. Now, where are those Doritos?
Talk about wasted cognitive resources - I'm still awake trying to finish grant reviews. Bah humbug!
Now where's the cameral popcorn with nuts??
Dr. G. What's the G stand for: Grump? Grouch? Grinch? Grumbler?
In the future Dr. G, I hope you will agree to first have your morning tea, so you can properly see, ‘we’, and then choose whether to again pee with glee on our cognitive sea.
Today's verification word: "sings"
You're singing from the wrong end Dr. G.
More chuckles from over here! :)
Here's the definition for chuckles, admittedly not used much anymore!
Dr G, I apologize if we come across as arrogant. We're not, really. An established guest could probably get away with a personal attack on an individual, but I think there is some common respect and high regard for this community. We are poles apart on some important topics, but appreciative of the forum.
We'd probably be more open to intelligent jousting, if you care to try again (host permitting). But leave the ad hominem at the door.
You're right, of course, Craver. All are welcome to participate in the verbal jousting that goes on here. And we are, in many ways, worlds apart - physical distance, theological distance, career choices (or lack thereof in my present situation :) - and yet there is an interesting balance of jousting and respect.
I should probably apologize to you as well Dr. G. I think I took offense at your comment on our "shocking waste of surplus cognitive resource" because it came right on the heels of my last thread regarding preaching the Good News of Jesus Christ and exalting His name and glory. Since I'm convinced that there is nothing of greater importance in the universe than advancing the Gospel of Jesus Christ (and quite often He is at the center of our discussions on this blog), I am shocked that anyone would think it a waste of cognitive resources to discuss “Him”. Nothing could be further from the truth. ...but I'm always open to intelligent jousting, so feel free to respond.
Susan - you seem to have much change in your life. May God help you in the midst of the change - I know he is pleased that you want to hear his reassuring, guiding voice
I think Dr. G is not about gentlemen, so I wouldn't give it another thought if I were you.
Actually I love wind. I lived in OK for a while and I do not remember a day there without wind. When I moved to SC I had to get used to calmer weather! Except for occasional hurricanes ;-)
But I get the drift of what you were saying--I feel my life has been very unsettling lately. I have found myself often feeling very anxious and I will stop and ask myself why? What is making me feel like this? But I think it is that life is full of problems...even if a problem gets "solved" another will appear. ...and usually multiple ones. But I have been reading a book by Paul Miller , called "A Praying Life" which helps me to see that anxiety can be good. It makes me realize that I have to depend on God for EVERYTHING. He says, "Instead of fighting anxiety, we can use it as a springboard to bending our hearts to God. Instead of trying to suppress anxiety, manage it, or smother it with pleasure, we can turn our anxiety toward God. When we do that, we'll discover that we've slipped into continuous praying."
I also like what he says here:
"What does an unused prayer link look like? Anxiety. Instead of connecting with God, our spirits fly around like severed power lines, destroying everything they touch. Anxiety wants to be God but lacks God's wisdom, power, or knowledge. A godlike stance without godlike character and ability is pure tension. Because anxiety is self on its own, it tries to get control. It is unable to relax in the face of chaos. Once one problem is solved, the next in line steps up. The new one looms so large, we forget the last deliverance."
"Anxiety is unable to relax in the face of chaos; continuous prayer clings to the Father in face of chaos"
I like that--I hope I will allow my anxieties to drive me more continuously to Him.
I had wind once....
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