Rotten, rebellious teen

One of the scriptures I taught my daughter at a very early age – 2 maybe – was Col 3:20, “Children obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord.” After teaching the verse and concept, I would ask – particularly at a moment of disobedience- “Olivia, what it your job?” and she would answer, “to obey”. Then I would ask, “how do you know that is your job?”. She would answer, “because God says”. I would ask how she knew that God wanted her to obey and she would respond by quoting the verse. The next question would be, “what does it mean to obey?” The rote answer was, “to do what mommy and daddy ask me to do and to do it quickly, cheerfully and completely”. I might add that one of the nicknames given to her by her older siblings was, by the way, "poky puppy" after a children's book they had!

The natural progression of training becomes evident with the next question as I asked, “did you obey mommy?” And so on we would go with training. As she grew older, the answer sometimes came out with an eye roll, but it came out because it had been worked in, and she knew she was busted. I think that, to this day, although she has shifted into an adult mode of obeying God without having me in between, I could ask her the same question and still get that answer, and it makes me happy.

I was studying Phil 2:12,13 this morning and it brought memories of little Olivia to mind and the concept of what obedience really means. “So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.” I was struck by the fact that just like training my child to obey, my job also is to obey – both “in the presence or absence” of someone watching and correcting. I was struck even more by the fact that it was God’s job, not mine, to cause me both to will to, as well as to actually do what it is that pleases Him. Just like the example of training a child, the child's job is to obey, the parent's job is to move the child to a point in training where obedience is a result of love for and trust in the parent. Only then does compliance become true obedience.

Sometimes I think I am still a rebellious child, a rotten, rebellious teen. Even compliance is hard, not to mention true obedience – it’s not quick, I’m not cheerful and certainly, since it is grudging, I am not completely yielded. I have begun to really question the underlying motives of my heart, trying to decide if this is my basic personality, that I am generally more rebellious than others, or if there is something, some issue, that just trips me up. Although it doesn't happen often, I watched myself throw a spiritual temper tantrum this summer. It was rather like throwing things against the wall, knowing that throwing is totally against the rules, and realizing that I was breaking things I needed to cherish. All the while, I remember watching, just as my kids did, for the parent’s reaction and response. I actually remember asking in anger, “now that you see how horrible I really am, do you still love me?” I was surprised by my own willfulness, throwing my fist in the air at God and demanding, in the midst of sin, to know if He would love me no matter what.

Ted's comment on the last blog, "In cases in which the baby doesn't [bond to the mother] because the mother is too busy early on, I wonder if there is a disconnect already setting in by the time the baby is at the age where it should be weaned", made me wonder. Perhaps rather than basic, ongoing rebellion, the temper tantrums come because, in some areas of my life, I still am not truly a weaned babe. Perhaps, as I have found to so often be the case for me, it is due to a lack of trust in God; surely I do not really know His character well, else I would not fear that He would let me down. I think I have Him confused with someone else and I need to learn a deeper lesson about His character! It’s an interesting question to ponder.

But, the take home and encouraging message was that God is the parent. It is His job, not mine, to both teach me to both will and work what pleases Him; my job is simply to obey.

Anyone recognize this pattern in their own lives or am I the only rebellious one out here? Any takers?

By the way, at the end of the summer, I can say that God definitively said, "Yes"!