In answer to my own question....

"Do you know how much you can mess up your life if you’re perpetually angry, don’t feel like God really wants you, AND you throw out all the rules?"

The answer is, "Worst [day] ever, whatdya think?" You can go through quite a few idols in looking for something that satisfies, only to find that each new thing is more empty than the last and you wonder if life is really worth living, searching always -

Somehow, in God's everyday new mercy, you end back up where you started, throwing out all the rules and searching for anything that is really true - something happens that you, a rationale, data-demanding scientist, know is irrational. And you also know, more surely than you've ever known anything in your life, that it is from Him and it's only for you and somehow, somewhere, finally, you have been chosen.

You say, "so, ok, I've messed it up beyond belief, but if there's anything worth keeping, including my life, then you can have it and you get to be the boss, no matter what, because clearly I suck at it."