Readers note: Now that people have started commenting, I realize that the appropriate tone comes across only if I read this out loud, as I did to my daughter before I posted it. While it has a serious and hopefully universal theme, that sometimes movement towards a desired goal is slow and with tears, it is intended to be quite tongue in cheek. With that said:
I went to the adult singles’ night at a church in a different burb tonight. I enjoy going there for their Saturday night service, as I am always encouraged, or slam-dunked, by the sermon. I’ve taken quite a few Biblical Counseling classes there as well. And who knows, miracles happen, right, and there are no single men my age at my church, so maybe….
Do keep in mind my mindset going into this to start with – I’ve had a conversation within the past 24 hours with one of my pastors about a ministry situation and we ended up talking about me being single and he said, “Susan, did you think perhaps that God doesn’t want to ever marry again?” Trust me, there’s not a single Christian woman that I know who hasn’t considered this possibility to about the nth degree. It’s the universal thing to say to a single woman who wants to be married but apparently has no changes of that happening. In addition, I don’t like crowds, I’m pretty shy, I don’t like doing scary things alone – but out I go as bravely as possible with my daughter’s voice echoing in my ears, “only be strong and courageous”, our family rally cry.
Sparcely attended, with the vast majority women, they weren’t too happy to have a new woman walk in. Then there was the movie – now tell me first if it seems strange to you to have what is supposed to be a time of fellowship by having people sit still in a dark auditorium and watch a movie? The movie was, “The Ultimate Gift”, put out by Fox Faith Movies. Now, it wasn’t a bad movie but it was long and it pulled at your heartstrings to no end. Small children dying, bad boys turning into good men who hold women and let them cry, all those sorts of things. It was all I could do to just casually wipe the tears from my eyes before they ran down my face and soaked my shirt. Understand that I even avoid chick flicks and romantic comedies because who needs to watch a movie that leaves you wistful and unhappy with your life, longing for prince charming to finally show up?
A fast getaway you say? Hardly, even the path to the restroom door was blocked by the few bored men who were there, forcing the women to walk around them to even get to the door. The mood was somber and tear streaks were evident but nobody wanted to talk about their misery – or even to the new kid at all! So out I slid into the cold night air, hoping to make it to my car before the tears came again, uncertain as to what had actually turned on the floodgate. I just wanted to be home, safe and sound and to go to sleep so as not to even think about prince charming or happily ever after.
And then, what do I see before me on the toll road? Why it’s a lovely 6 lanes with 5 shut down – so much for a quick escape to the house and safely. So slowly and painfully with tears running down my cheeks I listened to praise music and inched forward – and sometime after 2 miles in 30 min, it dawned on me that this was very much like my life, moving forward at a very slow pace, often accompanied by many tears.
Only God knows why the pace is slow and many avenues are blocked off or why I even have hope about some things still – and there’s not much you can do but keep moving forward ever so slowly and wipe the tears off your cheeks
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
14 comments:
Susan, If you'd like to, you can e-mail me, if you are comfortable doing that, if not that's fine too.
I felt uncomfortable with my comment which I had intended to preview but I guess out of habit entered it. I was getting into things which while related, are not the point of your post, so I deleted it.
I feel your pain from my limited perspective. I'm committed to praying for you as a brother in Christ.
I'm not so sure that there won't be a husband for you somewhere "down the road". But what "Even So"- I believe it was, what he said about acceptance, no matter what, is true for all of us. I can't compare my lot to a single person and their struggle. I have my own struggle, but must learn more and more to accept my lot in life. God helps me do that, but then at certain points I go back, and recovery is harder to get then one might think.
It can seem like a life and death struggle, in some ways like our Lord's at Gethsemane where he prayed "not my will, but yours be done." And then to live in that afterwards, maybe even for years. Not easy.
Though I don't see God's will as laid out in every detail and if we miss a detail then we miss God's will. Though I do believe God honors prayer about a particular matter.
Of course though you may not agree on every detail I say, all of this is nothing new to you. I just type here as a brother and Christian, and again want to pray for you through this difficult time in your life.
Oh, Susan. That meeting sounds awful!!! I am so sorry.
You are both very kind.
While it was an uncomfortable evening, I didn't intend for the description to sound as pitiful as it apparently does. I meant it much more tongue in cheek, because the whole evening struck me as rather funny in a pitiful sort of way. Well-intended I'm sure, but so poorly designed to meet the actual needs of the people that I think it made it worse for most. I have ammended the post so this is more evident up front.
Susan, I appreciate your honesty about the more difficult times in life. Slow progress toward a desired goal can definitely be frustrating, if not painful particularly when we don't understand why things aren't moving forward more quickly.
As to that actual event - what, was it planned by a married man? I say that part in jest and part for real. My husband and I recently discussed the fact that men bond through doing things, women bond through talking (generally speaking). Since I would categorize watching a movie as "doing" . . .
Susan, I'm with you on wondering why sometimes life moves slowly. By the way, I still say you are NOT really shy :) I appreciate your heart. Thanks for allowing us to go on the journey with you.
I got divorced in 1990 and was left with four children to support on my own. I didn't want to get married again and I very much enjoyed the freedom from a difficult marriage.
I went to the odd Christian singles meetings and they were gruesome. I am sure there are many better ways to meet a fella than those. Also, don't play weepy music unless you want a tear fix! I play a lot of classical music as well as early Chrisian music like Thomas Tallis, William Byrd etc. This music is uplifting without being sentimental and slushy.
Eventually after swearing never to marry again I went and met Peter and all the ground rules went out the window! We were married two years ago. We met at a craft fair where I was flogging my pottery.
There were loads of spare men at the place we have just come back from in Turkey. If I hadn't been with Peter I would have given them a good run for their money!
Love Lorenzo. xx
Hi Halfmom aka Susan - I posted this comment on my blog comments just now in response to your comment and also wanted to post it here so there would be no misunderstanding as to what I said:
"Halfmom aka Susan, I am afraid you are confused. What you wrote in your comment is what Maalie said, not I.
I went back to this comment which was on 9/20 and copied my comment as it related to that. Here is my comment:
This is my version, if I may:
"It is better to live your life as if there is one true God, and try to make the world a better place for your being in it. If there is noy one true God, you have lost nothing and will be remembered fondly by those you left behind. If there is one true God, you will not be judge on your works but on your faith and belief in Him."
My view is we better live our lives as if there is a God. In my case you can remove the little word "if". I live my life KNOWING there is the one True God.
Susan "
Maalie and I are at opposite ends of our belief system and structure. Thanks for visiting my blog and for leaving your comment.
Susan
Hey you pwittty little fing, do not wurry! Meester right will come along soon and then you will live happily ever after ... promise.
I know, I know ... homework!!!
One day I will do it!
Hi Susan,
Just come from Maalie's blog.
Maalie is my big brother (No.3 James) so we share the same Grandfather (No.1 James) and the same Father (No.2 Allan James).
Alun is my lovely nephew (No 4 Alun James) and James Allan (Jimmy No. 5). Hope that makes sense!
My son Jack (middle name Allan) has a baby boy also called Allan. I also had firstborn son and so has Jack!
See, simple!
ps Tortoiseshell is also my nephew, Maalie's younger son. He is the lovely, lovely man who set up my blog for me.
ps forgot to say the all the Jameses have Allan as their middle name.
Alun has a Welsh mother who rather wanted it spelt the Welsh way. Nice touch that.
oh, i see bolingbrook is a chitown burb. my husband grew up in south bend, indiana. which i closer to you than where i grew up in marissa, illinois.
sounds like the single's meeting was pretty much of a strange deal, for sure.
it was interestng to read about the pace being slow in some areas. boy, i sure do feel that when i realize that it has taken me years to get back on track with God. and i see it through out the bible in how God takes more than one or more life times ( long lives then, too) to have certain things come to pass. God does not seem to be in a hurry,(no time clock to punch) and has abundant patience.
A difficult time. Thank you for sharing about it.
Halfmom, Susan,
I'm looking forward to your thoughts on Psalm 131.
Susan,
It is excruciating to wait on God's timing, whether it is for a mate or a job or health or whatever our heart seeks. In "For the Write Reason," Rachael Carman says the time is always right, because it's God's time. Find comfort in knowing that His presence is brightest in the darkest of times.
Blessings to you!
Post a Comment