NOT ASHAMED!

Worshipers from Rebels

2011-06-09T10:11:00.000-05:00

Jesus was born of a virgin, suffered under Pontius Pilate, died
on the cross and rose from the grave to make worshipers out of
rebels!

AW Tozer, Whatever Happened to Worship?, pg 11.

Wow do I like this quote - and wow do I need it this morning. I'm much more of a grumbler than a worshiper today!

Quote of the morning

2011-05-20T08:26:00.000-05:00

"God never does something great through us until He does something significant in us!

Chip Ingram, Holy Ambition

In Memoriam

2011-05-16T08:34:00.000-05:00

Friend, fellow scientist, delightfully charming man and runcible boy rolled into one, brother, father, uncle, ever proud grandfather, stubborn, photographer, birder, and the very definition of enthusiasm, are just a few things that come to mind when I think of you dear Maalie. I will miss you, my friend, more than you will ever know.

Just in case you ever wondered what I actually do

2011-03-11T21:36:00.000-06:00

Multiple Sclerosis (MS) is a progressive and debilitating autoimmune disease of unknown origin. In MS, immune cells inappropriately attack the body’s nervous system damaging a substance called myelin which acts as a type of insulation for nerve fibers. Loss of myelin around nerves (lesions) causes dysfunction in the way nerve cells within the brain and spinal cord communicate with each other, resulting in neurological symptoms that can be physical or cognitive in nature. Patients also experience depression and fatigue that is not associated with the psychological effect of having a chronic disease. The broad range of symptoms results from several different sources. First, the number of lesions and their locations within the brain or spinal cord can cause a variety of physical disability symptoms in different body locations. Whether these physical symptoms are in conjunction with depression, fatigue and cognitive dysfunction further complicates attempts at treatment. Although there is no known cure for MS, medications attempt to provide a means for either preventing new attacks or decreasing the level of disability that occurs with each subsequent attack. However, these medications are very expensive and not well tolerated as they require either injections or infusion treatments. In addition, how well the treatments work is not predictable and may depend on the specific form and disease progression as well as other comorbid conditions such as arthritis, obesity or diabetes. Interestingly, one biochemical aspect that is consistent across all forms of MS is that there is significant acute and chronic inflammation. Therefore development of supportive therapies that decrease inflammation would be expected to improve symptoms and/or slow disease progression. In fact, MS patients with fatigue and depression are frequently responsive to anti-inflammatory drugs.

Some isolated botanical extracts have been show to be protective in MS animal models by modulating immune function and decreasing inflammation. Some also improve cognition and depression in animals, symptoms that are troublesome for the MS patient. However, some animal studies have found that botanical extracts actually slow recovery from disease. In addition, botanical extracts may interact with other medications the patient is taking, or may be toxic under certain conditions. Since berries contain high levels of the antioxidant flavonoids and seem to possess beneficial immune modulatory and anti-inflammatory properties, they may prove a safer and more consistent benefit to MS patients. Blueberries, in particular, can alter immune function, decrease inflammation and alter expression of inflammation related chemicals thought to be responsible for some of the sickness behavior, such as depression, fatigue and cognitive dysfunction in MS. We have begun to investigate diet therapy with whole, freeze-dried blueberries in mouse models of MS. In a form of mouse MS that represents an acute and chronically progressive MS presentation, we have shown that dietary supplementation with whole, freeze-dried blueberry powder significantly decreased, by greater than 50%, the incidence of motor defects resulting from disease induction. In addition, blueberry-supplemented mice that did become ill were significantly less ill that mice receiving no supplementation. In as second study with a mouse model that represents a progressive, relapsing-remitting form of MS, we found that addition of the blueberry powder late in the disease progression reduced the cumulative physical disability score by 41%. Additionally, the final disability score at the end of the experiment was significantly reduced in blueberry-supplemented mice.

These preliminary studies are both exciting and encouraging as they suggest that that diet therapies such as supplementation with whole, freeze-dried blueberries may provide an easily delivered, well-tolerated, low cost supportive treatment to improve the care and quality of life for MS patients.

Helen Keller

2011-03-08T00:40:00.000-06:00

   Helen and Phillips Brooks wrote letters back and forth. The young girl with such a heavy burden and the elderly cleric with so many natural gifts, they were so unlike each other. Yet Brooks recognized that Helen and he did the same thing. Reaching out of the total darkness of her isolated life, Helen was already touching people's hearts with her courage and noble spirit, already challenging people to look at what could be. She lived in silence. She lived in darkness. But out of her silence the Spirit burst forth with grace and power. And out of her darkness, light shone. This was what Phillips Brooks had dedicated his life to bringing about: Let the people hear of what can be. Let them know what astonishing good can come from God, even in the face of terrible sorrow.
    In one of her letters, Helen told Bishop Brooks that she had always known about God, even before she had any words. Even before she could call God anything, she knew God was there. She didn't know what it was. God had no name for her -- nothing had a name for her. She had no concept of a name. But in her darkness and isolation, she knew she was not alone. Someone was with her. She felt God's love. And when she received the gift of language and heard about God, she said she already knew.
    Phillips Brooks was thrilled by this. This was the God he knew, the God who would come to a lonely child, a frustrated and lonely little girl, and find a way to speak love to her without a word. He wrote a hymn we have loved ever since; I wonder if he had Helen in mind when he wrote:

How silently, how silently
The wondrous gift is giv'n!
So God imparts to human hearts
The blessings of his heav'n.
No ear may hear his coming,
But in this world of sin,
Where meek souls will receive him, still
The dear Christ enters in.

Love without words. Love that knows of love even before it knows anything else. God who comes to the meek, to those who are hidden, to those whom the world discounts. The old preacher, famous for his eloquence, was like old Simeon at the temple when he heard this from Helen Keller. It was a confirmation of his ministry of proclamation. It was all true. God was really among us. What Helen knew proved it.

This cracks me up!

2011-02-12T15:17:00.000-06:00

"We set a watch upon our emotions day and night lest we become over-spiritual and bring reproach upon the cause of Christ. Which all, if I may say so, is for most of us about as sensible as throwing a cordon of police around a cemetery to prevent a wild political demonstration by the inhabitants."

AW Tozer, Born After Midnight

I have to say that this quote just made me burst out loud when I read it. I realize that, although I have become more and more emotive if not downright emotional over the years, I intuitively distrust emotional responses. I want some hard "data" to back up what I'm thinking or feeling so that I know that I am not deceived - I want to be convinced that what I feel is "true".

Scripture is a pretty great witness of itself, so that is always helpful. Somedays, thought, the only "data" I really need is who I am - and the irrefutable truth that, while I may not be who I need to be yet, I'm sure not who I was. And, for that, I am most grateful. Jesus is not only a personal redeemer, He is a transformer of unimaginable creativity and strength.

Wow - do I think Tozer got this one right!

2011-02-04T08:37:00.000-06:00

The Holy Spirit: The Need for Illumination

But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. --1 Corinthians 2:14

The doctrine of the inability of the human mind and the need for divine illumination is so fully developed in the New Testament that it is nothing short of astonishing that we should have gone so far astray about the whole thing. Fundamentalism has stood aloof from the Liberal in self-conscious superiority and has on its own part fallen into error, the error of textualism, which is simply orthodoxy without the Holy Ghost. Everywhere among Conservatives we find persons who are Bible-taught but not Spirit-taught. They conceive truth to be something which they can grasp with the mind. If a man hold to the fundamentals of the Christian faith he is thought to possess divine truth. But it does not follow. There is no truth apart from the Spirit. The most brilliant intellect may be imbecilic when confronted with the mysteries of God. For a man to understand revealed truth requires an act of God equal to the original act which inspired the text....

Conservative Christians in this day are stumbling over this truth. We need to re-examine the whole thing. We need to learn that truth consists not in correct doctrine, but in correct doctrine plus the inward enlightenment of the Holy Spirit. We must declare again the mystery of wisdom from above. A re-preachment of this vital truth could result in a fresh breath from God upon a stale and suffocating orthodoxy.

The Pursuit of Man, 76-77,84.

It's not my job to be your friend

2011-01-15T15:20:00.002-06:00

Had a great phone conversation with my daughter today. She's pretty amazing, even if she is my daughter! One of the things I enjoy the most in talking with her is that she has the ability to analyze complicated situations and get to the heart of the matter. She doesn't always get there immediately, but she's as tenacious as a terrier so you can be sure that eventually she will! She's also pretty determined to find a solution if a solution exists and her mind is flexible enough that it could qualify for the high beam. or a gymnastic mat routine This allows her to turn and twist a situation inside out as we talk. She's also willing to consider every permutation I bring up, no matter how far out it may be. So, it's great fun to talk with her about her students and just life in general.

I learn a lot in those conversations, sometimes more than she does as we go back and forth, holding the problem out and examining it from every angle. I think the best part though, is that we are friends in this endeavor. I'm just as likely to call her to discuss an issue as she is to call me about something she's facing. This is a pretty great outcome for a parent who always said, "my job is not to be your friend; my job is to be your parent. You don't have to like me for me to succeed at what I'm called to do". Somehow, in the course of her growing up, I ended up with a daughter that I'm more than proud of and a friend as well.

So, it doesn't surprise me that the following title caught my eye when I saw it on a friend's facebook page. I have to say, I agree with this mom 100%! Enjoy reading! I don't want you to be happy...

On snow and Chicago Commuting

2010-12-21T07:41:00.000-06:00

Based on my previous post, I thought this morning's Tozer devotional was quite appropriate. As I move forward with setting up the lab and getting back into real experiments, I am reminded that even the snow outside that tangles the way to work is not a surprise to God. Or, as my Bible study leader says, "does it occur to you that nothing occurs to God?"

Trials and Pain: Ordered By the Lord

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholds him with His hand. --Psalm 37:23-24

To the child of God, there is no such thing as accident. He travels an appointed way. The path he treads was chosen for him when as yet he was not, when as yet he had existence only in the mind of God.

Accidents may indeed appear to befall him and misfortune stalk his way; but these evils will be so in appearance only and will seem evils only because we cannot read the secret script of God's hidden providence and so cannot discover the ends at which He aims....

The man of true faith may live in the absolute assurance that his steps are ordered by the Lord. For him, misfortune is outside the bounds of possibility. He cannot be torn from this earth one hour ahead of the time which God has appointed, and he cannot be detained on earth one moment after God is done with him here. He is not a waif of the wide world, a foundling of time and space, but a saint of the Lord and the darling of His particular care.

AW Tozer, in "We Travel an Appointed Way", pp. 3-4

Really, God - I mean, come on, really???

2010-12-17T11:31:00.000-06:00

So, I wrote this really nice post - was making a few editorial changes for flow - and hit a wrong key. The auto save on the blog immediately saved the deleted version, and .... the rest is history.

I was writing about yesterday because I wanted to recount how, despite a horrid turn of events at work, God answered a prayer before I even knew that I had a need to pray about. He also took two seemingly disparate passages of scripture that I'd been studying (Is 30:21 and John 6:68-69) and fused them in embryonic form. Then He quickened them so that I was aware, as is a mother with the fluttering of her unborn child, of Life within my soul. And He did it all in a moment, in a flash of time frozen in space.

So, thanks God - for who and what You have provided, and for getting me through the day with a greater awareness of who You are and who I am. Thanks for making real to me that only You have the answers for the real questions of life, for reminding me that You care about my work and my lab and that You're more than able to guide and direct me.

Susan

I just couldn't resist

2010-10-26T13:53:00.000-05:00

Drew found this and passed it on - thought you might enjoy it as well. Sad that it's so true!

Me, in "On" mode

2010-06-02T09:40:00.002-05:00

I read an interesting blog post by "Every Square Inch" this morning called, "Leaders Are Always On". It expresses so well the take home point one of my young leaders is learning. Leaders are watched more carefully than others.

As this young woman is learning, leaders are accountable for even the appearance of their actions. People are watching. We often think in terms of what we did, what we said, and what we really meant versus what someone else thinks they heard. How often do we think in terms of how things appeared to others?

Appearances can deceiving. My medical charts describe me as a "pleasant, middle-aged woman"; and generally speaking, I am. Two recent comments shed a different light on the subject though. "When I met you, I thought you were really intimidating. Then I got to know you and found out you're just straightforward and I like it." My young leader framed the same concept a different way. "Well, most people think you mean 'my way or the highway' when you say something, but I know better than they do. I know you mean, 'this is what I think' and I can tell you what I think too and you'll listen and we will talk about it."

Yes, appearance can be deceiving. I am both pleasant and straightforward and not particularly intimidating to those who really know me. But I spend most of my time with those who don't really know me. This is an interesting paradox if I'm to follow the command to be "edifying all those who hear". Finding the balance point between caring too much about others' opinions and "no appearance of evil" is a challenge.

ESI's point is well taken; leaders are always "on" since people are always watching. Perhaps good questions to ask ourselves are, "in what ways am I leading and where are others watching?

P.S. - I'm very proud of my young leader! She's learning this lesson more quickly than most adults.

Buck

2010-05-28T09:12:00.007-05:00

My friend Buck passed away Wednesday evening. I am very sad that I cannot go to Arkansas for the funeral tonight or the memorial service tomorrow. So, I will make my own memorial to Buck here.

My first memories of Buck were from church, a man a bit older than I with an engaging smile and easy manner. His love of the outdoors was readily apparent; I can easily call back the image of Buck in the back yard with his dogs, an ever present baseball cap on his head. He was kind and loving - to his wife, his children and to our family, and many others besides. But these qualities are not the ones that flood my mind when I think of Buck.

While growing up, my daughters tried to stop several immovable objects with their heads. One of our sons tried to bury a tree (well, a very large, long splinter) deep into his leg. It was these times, as Buck the physician stitched and mended them, that revealed the character qualities I remember most. The children were still as he stitched them up; even an 18 month old lay still under his hands as he closed a long gash in her forehead. They were so still that Buck later wondered aloud to his wife Pam as to why. What Buck didn't realize was that his calm manner and peaceful countenance in the middle of chaos were the reason for their total trust in his care. We trusted him and they trusted us. That is what I remember most about Buck, the calm and peaceful countenance that you knew you could trust and follow.

In all the years since, some 25 I think, he never violated this trust. He lived well and he died well, eyes on Another whose calm, peaceful and trustworthy countenance called him home.

To you my friend - though long absent from my presence, ever present in my memory. Until we meet again...

A.H. Rusher, Jr. Jonesboro- Dr. Albert Holly “Buck” Rusher, Jr., 62, was at home when he went peacefully to be with his Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, on Wednesday, May 26, 2010.

Rusher, born and raised in Brinkley, came to NE Arkansas July 1979 after completing medical school at U.A.M.S in Little Rock, and a general surgery residency at Baylor University Medical Center in Dallas, Texas. He was a general and vascular surgeon who served the community of Jonesboro for 25 years prior to committing to full time medical mission work in Mongolia. Other than his commitment to family, Rusher’s passions included teaching both matters of faith and medicine and spending time outdoors. He is the founding member of Jonesboro Surgical Associates, and served many years as a deacon and life-group leader at Central Baptist Church.

Forward or back...

2010-05-26T09:17:00.001-05:00

As I washed my sweaty, weary, broken foot this morning, my mind went back almost 20 years to a conversation about sweaty feet. A few minutes later, I realized that I wasn't obeying my physical therapist's orders for proper posture and I wondered why it is so hard.

I had a conversation with my daughter yesterday about her crashed college computer that will only start in "safe mode". I realized how much I'm like that computer. Sometimes I only start in "safe" mode or I go back to "last known good configuration".

Paul said, "But one thing I do" forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:13b,14 (ESV)

So, time to practice my PT's advice and move forward towards some more healthy habits and good memories.

Morning Reading

2010-05-25T09:03:00.002-05:00

An interesting quote from, "Worldliness", Edited by CJ Mahaney

"I've watched Christians dramatically encounter God and then gradually revert to sinful patterns because they failed to change their music listening habits. Sadly and predictably, they were seduced by the world's empty promises communicated through the music they listened to."

Worldliness: Resisting the Seduction of a Fallen World

The sound of quiet

2010-05-15T12:04:00.001-05:00

I love the sound of quiet, the quiet of early mornings before people are about, the sound of birds and of a gentle breeze; no dogs bark, no music blares from neighboring yards. No passing cars vibrate my walls with their blasting bass; I am quiet; the voices of other people and work, of pain, of daily life and even death, are stilled and I draw away.

Oh how I need to be still, to dwell in the sound of quiet; I need the quiet of His pastures and still waters even when they come through broken bones or poor health. Only then do I hear His voice and remember that He is God; He will be exalted (1Kings 19:12;Ps46:10).

Oh how good it is to be still, to listen to the sound of quiet, to be loved.

The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by his love. Zephaniah 3:17

A Tribute to a Friend | CCEF

2010-05-13T14:10:00.000-05:00

A Tribute to a Friend | CCEF

Posted using ShareThis

This reflection from CCEF reminded me so much of my friend that I thought I would shard it with you.

To blog or not to blog, that is the question?

2010-05-07T22:51:00.001-05:00

I had an interesting conversation about classroom management with my daughter today. While some teachers are very tolerant of classroom “chatter”, she is not. It’s a distraction for her and makes her a less than effective teacher. It’s simply a matter of style.

I have discovered the same thing about myself. I have a high need for order and quiet and a low tolerance for controversy, even on my blog. So many times in the past year I have started to write and simply stopped at the thought of your comments. I allowed my thoughts to dissipate like clouds that promise but produce no rain. I forgot to stay true to my own style.

So, here I sit laptop in hand. I wish I had some of those words back. With them, I would tell you the story of Betty, my outrageous friend. I would tell you of her offbeat sense of humor; I would tell you that she was bigger than life. I would tell you of her death around 1:30 this morning. And yet no words come, only tears which spring up unbidden. I shake my head a lot as though it is something I cannot believe and then I swallow hard. What can I tell you about Betty? The most important thing to know is that she was as valiant as she was outrageous. She did not loose a battle with cancer; Betty won a battle for life. She fought long; she fought hard and she won. She died well and passed from the arms of her family to the arms of her Savior, Jesus the Christ, the Son of the Living God. The gates of heaven are thrown wide for her much as she used to throw wide the office doors and “announce” her presence. Heaven rings with her outrageous laughter and that is good, for it is all a matter of style.

Seeds

2010-03-16T07:42:00.003-05:00

An interesting article that caught my eye this morning.

Work Calls

2010-03-01T07:37:00.001-06:00

Sorry - but you'll have to use the scroll bars to read the article. I didn't know how to embed it correctly to just get the article to show up. If you just want to use the link, then go here.

Every Square Inch: Integrity - Does It Matter Without God?

2010-02-08T00:05:00.000-06:00

Every Square Inch: Integrity - Does It Matter Without God?

Need of Endurance

2009-12-10T09:08:00.002-06:00

For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise. --Hebrews 10:36

When God needs a person for His service-a good person, an effective person, a humble person-why does He most often turn to a person in deep trouble? Why does He seek out a person deep in the crucible of suffering, a person who is not the jovial, "happy-happy" kind? I can only say that this is the way of God with His human creation....

Ezekiel did not come out of pleasant and favorable circumstances. The light had gone out in his heart. He probably thought that God takes a long time to work out His will.

Does not this same view surface in much of our Christian fellowship? We do not want to take the time to plow and to cultivate. We want the fruit and the harvest right away! We do not want to be engaged in any spiritual battle that takes us into the long night. We want the morning light right now! We do not want to go through the processes of planning and preparation and labor pains. We want the baby this instant!

We do not want the cross. We are more interested in the crown.

The condition is not peculiar to our century. Thomas a Kempis wrote long ago, "The Lord has many lovers of His crown but few lovers of His cross."

Men Who Met God, AW Tozer p115.

Real and applied

2009-12-03T17:59:00.001-06:00

The week in Richmond was great! Not only was the Thanksgiving holiday full of thanksgiving, it also was full of fun, family and friends!

We headed to Fredricksburg for Thanksgiving day and to Williamsburg the day after. I was able to attend two different churches with Olivia and Drew, take a couple of walks in the warm Richmond sunshine, go to Bible study with Olivia, do some shopping, and get some work done on a grant as well. It was productive, peaceful and encouraging to be with them and to see their growth as a married couple and as individual believers. I had to smile as they described the last few months of establishing a new home in Richmond and all that entails for a newly married couple, as "character revealing", "character building", "marriage building", and "hard work". So, I am confident that they are doing well and on the right road, spiritually, personally and professionally.

The subject of faith came up more than once. I had the opportunity to see two very different churches on their list of "possible" church homes. The natural compare and contrast of the two very different churches lead to and interesting conversation about how a pastor can use his sermon to help his congregation better live the Christian life. Sometimes, you walk away from worship service scratching your head. You wonder if maybe you just didn't get it. Or, perhaps you did but you don't know what to do with it, how to practically apply the truth taught to your life. Then sometimes you walk away from a worship service with truth in crystalized form. It is sharp and solid; you have something you can hold on to. You know what to do with it; you know how to put it into action in your life. What's present in one worship service or missing in another? What is required for crystalized truth that is practically applicable to your life this week? Is it the person; is it the message? Perhaps it is just style or preference of the hearer? Lots of questions with few definitive answers.

We didn't come up with a wonderful formula for "best sermon and application points ever", but we did reiterate to each other that it is, as it has always been, by grace through faith. Faith in the right person is sufficient to save us and this faith is, therefore, sufficient to help us walk the life of progressive sanctification successfully. Drew's post speaks of these issues, the fact that the gospel must always be presented; without it there is no hope and no power, not for salvation or for sanctification.

This article on Tim Keller presents the same truth in another way, through the application of the gospel to real life. In this case it is the real life of New Yorkers'. Enjoy! It's an excellent read!

More from Tozer - "Spiritual Warfare and Sin: A Saint In Embryo"

2009-11-06T08:42:00.003-06:00

For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. --Romans 7:22-23

The regenerate man often has a more difficult time of it than the unregenerate, for he is not one man but two. He feels within him a power that tends toward holiness and God, while at the same time he is still a child of Adam's flesh and a son of the red clay. This moral dualism is to him a source of distress and struggle wholly unknown to the once-born man. Of course the classic critique upon this is Paul's testimony in the seventh chapter of his Roman epistle.

The true Christian is a saint in embryo. The heavenly genes are in him and the Holy Spirit is working to bring him on into a spiritual development that accords with the nature of the Heavenly Father from whom he received the deposit of divine life. Yet he is here in this mortal body subject to weakness and temptation, and his warfare with the flesh sometimes leads him to do extreme things. "For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would" (Gal. 5:17).

That Incredible Christian, p 53-54, AW Tozer.

How often?

2009-11-02T08:18:00.003-06:00

Biblical writers are neither geographers nor astronomers - they are theologians. They describe with profound accuracy the relation between God and persons like you and me, a relationship between the Creator and the creature; they coordinate our knowledge of the God who loves with our experience of being loved; they tell the story of the God who leads us through difficulties and document it with our experience of being guided. We are not presented with a functional god who will help us out of jams or an entertainment god who will lighten tedious hours. We are presented with the God of exodus and Easter, the God of Sinai and Calvary. If we want to understand God, we must do it on his terms. If we want to see God the way he really is, we must look to the place of authority - to Scripture and to Jesus Christ.

A Long Obedience in the Same Direction, Eugene H. Peterson, pages
62, 63

Profound. How often do I try to understand God on my terms, in my own way, on my timetable? Honestly, far too often is the answer.

Walking by faith and not by sight

2009-10-12T11:19:00.002-05:00

For those of you, like me, who could use a little encouragement that walking by faith and not by sight is not only "doable" but fruitful, please read the following article and rejoice with me.

http://belovedbeforetime.blogspot.com/

Finding your way back

2009-10-06T07:16:00.001-05:00

"Then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, You-Are-the-God-Who-Sees; for she said, 'Have I also here seen Him who sees me?" Genesis 16:13

Faith is the least self-regarding of the virtues. It is by its very nature scarcely conscious of its own existence. Like the eye which sees everything in front of it and never sees itself, faith is occupied with the Object upon which it rests and pays no attention to itself at all. While we are looking at God we do not see ourselves--blessed riddance. The man who has struggled to purify himself and has had nothing but repeated failures will experience real relief when he stops tinkering with his soul and looks away to the perfect One. While he looks at Christ, the very things he has so long been trying to do will be getting done within him. It will be God working in him to will and to do. . . .
When we lift our inward eyes to gaze upon God we are sure to meet friendly eyes gazing back at us, for it is written that the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout all the earth. The sweet language of experience is "Thou God seest me." When the eyes of the soul looking out meet the eyes of God looking in, heaven has begun right here on this earth.

The Pursuit of God, AW Tozer, pp. 84-86.

For a friend

2009-10-02T06:35:00.005-05:00

Praying for a friend this morning; thinking back through life. This story came to mind and I wanted to post it again in her honor.

One summer long ago, Joseph became my favorite Bible character as Olivia and I listened to his story come alive each day on the radio. She was enthralled, requesting that I tape the program each day and listen with her. At each twist and turn when the very character of God seemed in doubt, the pastor would say, “but God was still working behind the scenes”. Though man intended evil against Joseph, God allowed it for good, both in Joseph’s life and in the lives of His people.

Later, on a summer night in 1993, at what I believe may have been the very lowest point of my life, I sank in despair onto my kitchen floor and wept as though God’s character was indeed in doubt. A barely 9-year-old Olivia came and crawled into my lap, wrapped her arms around me and said, “Don’t worry mommy; God is still working behind the scenes”.

With this memory, I gladly went to Bible Study Fellowship this year to study about Joseph again. I learned instead to love Joseph’s father Jacob, who more than once manipulated a situation rather than trust God’s timing and ways. Jacob even tried to wrestle a blessing from God and ended up a cripple in the process – and all the while God had the blessing ready, waiting on Jacob to be still and trust Him. I have learned how very much like Jacob I am, wrestling instead waiting and trusting.

I also learned that the very evidence of Jacob’s earlier lack of trust in God, the staff on which he leaned, aided him in worshipping God and blessing his beloved Joseph and Joseph’s children (Heb 11:21). This has greatly encouraged me to keep trusting God to use the evidence of my “crippled parts” to bring me to a place where they aid my worship of Him, the living and true God who has been my shepherd all my life (Gen 48:15).

(originally posted 24May06)

The sound of quiet

2009-09-26T08:43:00.002-05:00

I got on the wrong UIC campus bus yesterday. I'm afraid this is not an unusual occurrence for me and a quick 10 minute ride from one side of the campus to the other became a circuitous 30 minutes in places I'd not seen before.

It was an off time of day with few students on the bus. The few riders we picked up were not inclined to talk, which was lovely because what can be said to another student or over a cell in a public place these days is a matter for a different post! They sat quietly waiting for their stop.

I sat quietly too, for the most part as the only passenger, enjoying the moments of stillness in an otherwise hectic week. As I watched the people outside, listening to the creaking of the bus, I realized that ear buds were a universal appendage. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against music and pod casts; I just realized that I love the sound of quiet.

Why do I listen; what is it I hope to hear in the quiet? What is it that escapes my knowing in the noisiness of life? It is the secret of "the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight ". 1Peter 3:4

A little word

2009-09-22T08:01:00.003-05:00

As I read Psalm 22 this morning, one little word catches my attention. It is the word, "yet". Having just read the book of John, the crucifixion is fresh in my mind. I see the prophecies given here in Psalm 22 that were later fulfilled on Golgotha's hill.

And yet, this is not what draws my attention in today's reading of this psalm. The little word, "yet", stands out as though written in larger font and bolder type. The psalmist speaks of crying out to God and God remaining silent. He speaks of abusive treatment at the hands of unbelieving men and yet no rescue. But after each such lament, he says, "yet". And each yet is followed by a statement of God's character and continued presence in his life.

Oh to live life this way, to walk through the days that are hard, observing that they aren't getting any better in some ways, and still and continually have the heart attitude of "yet". Oh to live like Job - "though He slay me, YET will I trust Him."

What do you think?

2009-09-19T14:56:00.003-05:00

Life has been extremely hectic lately with the yearly start up of the Jr High ministry at church (I've taken over as lead teacher on Sunday and Thursday), and Bible Study Fellowship (BSF), not to mention work and other church responsibilities. So there's been little time for blogging. However, I did think of one thing I wanted to share with you all and a question I wanted to ask.

So, here's the sharing. My BSF leader told the story of a middle aged female believer in conversation with a middle aged male nonbeliever - no, I promise she was not talking about Maalie and me - but it could happen:) The woman told of how Scripture impacted her life while the man responded that he'd read through the Bible many times and gotten nothing out of it. To that, the woman replied, "oh no, you have it all wrong. It doesn't work if you just go through the Bible; the Bible must first go through you".

And here's the question. For our first week of BSF we are doing an overview of the entire book of John so need to read the whole thing. I came to the final section and realized that I was holding my breath and cringing as I read through the crucifixion, knowing that I would have been just as likely as any of them to shout, "crucify him" before I did meet the Savior personally. Then I got to the part where the chief priests answer Pilate saying, "we have no king but Caesar" and I began to wonder what the parallel is to our lives today. If we know that we can substitute ourselves for the crowds shouting, "crucify", who might we substitute for Caesar? (feel free to correct my grammar Craver - I'm a bit at doubt about who and whom in that sentence)

An interesting quote

2009-09-09T07:44:00.003-05:00

Reading this morning and these sentence struck me as profoundly applicable to the "parable" of the watermelon. It is easy to look on the outside and something that seems good, all the while forgetting the inside must match for it to really be good. In the same fashion, real change always begins first in the heart.

When we forget how desperate our condition really is, Christian activity begins to replace a heartfelt reliance on Christ and his grace. We get more excited about changing the world than we do about the radical changes of heart and life that the Gospel promises because of Christ's presence in our hearts.

It's amazing how long it took me to really understand the gospel. Like many Christians, I understood early on that my sins had been forgiven [past grace] and that I was going to spend my eternity with Christ [future grace]. But I did not grasp the depth of my need for the benefits of the work of Christ now [present grace].

"How people change", TS Lane and PD Tripp, pg 14

Disappointment

2009-09-08T06:44:00.004-05:00

I ended the long weekend with a trip to the grocery, excitedly bringing home a watermelon. I didn't even wait to unpack the groceries before I cut into it, imagining the sweetness I loved as a child. My first clue that disappointment was on the horizon came when the knife went in and stuck; it was almost impossible to push down through the rind. My suspicions grew as a second twist of the knife didn't result in the nice cracking sound a ripe melon makes as you break it open. Sure enough, what awaited me was a pinkish fruit rather than the deep red I longed for. I cut a bite out and found it to be rather tasteless, not sweet. I ate a larger bite and it was crunchy on my teeth, not the lovely cushy texture a melon should be. So, it sits like a dead thing in the sink until time to put it out with the garbage. What a disappointment.

Sometimes life's like this. Even the progression is similar. We desire and we look about for something to satisfy; we imagine and seek to obtain. But unripe fruit, fruit out of season disappoints and leaves a bitter aftertaste. It sits and stares back at us, accusing us, revealing our lack of wisdom. Our lives show the truth of the scripture, "there is a way that seems right to a man but the end thereof is the way of death." Oh to be wise, to discern truth and be done with broken remnants sitting about my life with their accusing stare.

Anybody know how to pick a good watermelon?

Tension

2009-09-02T06:52:00.002-05:00

Although my parents are in failing health, I enjoyed my weekend time with them in South Carolina. On the "to do" list was a visit with my nephew, his wife and their three children. Mom and Dad loved seeing them, especially the new baby. Babies do have a way of making me feel not quite so old and rather full of hope.

The baby's mommy thanked me graciously for a crocheted baby blanket I recently finished and mailed to their home. I ducked my head with embarrassment over the blanket's imperfections; she was extravagant in her praise of the blanket's colors and softness. You see, the blanket hadn't come out quite "square" due to a change in yarn tension about 2/3 of the way through. She deemed the defect "character" and brushed away my concerns.

Uneven tension, my life is a prime example. Jesus said that He would give us rest in exchange for our heavy burdens (Matt 11:28-30). Yet, like many, I practice "Indian giving"; I lay it down and then take the burden of my life right back. Today grant scores are the heavy burden I bear. I wait anxiously for them to see if my grant is funded or rejected again as have so many have been recently. I wait as though God does not already know what they are and how they affect my career, as though He does not have a plan for good for a future with hope already in place (Jer 29:11) . Father, help me to remember the command to be anxious for nothing and just breath a prayer of trust and faith (Phil 4:6)

Oh, to live a squared up life.

Bits and pieces of memories

2009-08-23T23:50:00.003-05:00

It has been a little over 3 weeks now since my daughter and her husband moved away. I would love to tell you that the house is back in order and the garage neat and orderly - but it is not so. Life has been hectic at work and I have been on a "low energy" cycle. August, with ragweed and mold, always does this to me. So, it's about this time of year that I begin to look forward to the first frost that will kill the ragweed even as I hate to say good bye to summer!

But more is going on than just seasonal allergies and a lack of love for housekeeping. I have been busy thinking of how to dispose of memories, or at least pieces of them. My daughter is the sentimental one of the family. She's the keeper of memories - they drift and float away from me. She remembers words and days and stories and looks and smells and tastes. She has (well, I'm the current custodian) her "super Olivia" cape that she made when she was in kindergarten and wanted to grow up to be a super hero. Her childhood dolls and all their accessories, her dollhouse, doll bed, and the little rocker her grandfather made her are still here, waiting to be claimed when she has a little one of her own.

But there were other keepsakes with significant memory value that have accumulated over the years. Memory people are like that; they accumulate memories without letting any of the old ones go. These things she left behind so that I could find them "good homes" where they would be loved the way that she loved them. She is not a "thing" person; she does not accumulate because she love stuff. She has these things because they remind her of precious, and sometimes even painful, parts of her life.

There was her American Girl doll loom where she learned to weave - and discovered that she just didn't enjoy working with her hands (she's the people person - I'm the craftsman). It is now in the possession of Emma's mommy until Emma is big enough to play with it. It will be cherished there because Emma loves Miss Olivia, her Sunday School teacher and Emma's mommy loves Miss Olivia just because she is Olivia and because she loves Emma.

And the Winnie the Pooh bedroom things; they are with a delighted Grace who loves them all the more because they came from Olivia. And the rose bedroom things that went in the first yellow bedroom - the bedroom that contained great happiness and then great loss - these things will go this week to young Kara who will love them because they belonged to her grown up friend Olivia. Kara caught the bouquet at Olivia's wedding. The white and blue tea set will reside with Kara as well. The purple accessories from the current yellow room are with Hannah - most of them anyway. The rest will go to Kacie. Sarah took some household items that were duplicates and she will use them and miss her friend. And so the list goes - little pieces of things that had loving memories connected to them, distributed among another generation of little girls who will attaching loving memories to them because of their previous own.

The things are nothing in and of themselves. It is the shared memories they represent that matter. It is the people who matter. Our lives are like that, twining in and out of one another's lives. Thing mix and meld and then a part breaks away to go to another home, making new memories there. The flux of memories, of times shared, of lives intertwined never leaves. I'm glad there's heaven where the memories will never fade and not things will ever be needed to anchor the memories in place.

Thoughtful writing

2009-08-18T23:06:00.004-05:00

So, I after the nice instructions from Maalie via a reminder from Triston, I've just decided to post some links this way for your reading pleasure.

"Questioning the Right to Health Care"

"Libertarians Do Care About Patients"

and finally, The Future of Too Big to Fail and Bailouts

Don't miss the pdf link to other reports at the bottome - but be nice - if we're lucky, the author may decide to drop in.

Again it begins, again...

2009-08-04T07:54:00.003-05:00

I find it very interesting that a single life can have so many endings, each moving into a beginning somehow. Deaths, births, marriage, divorce, jobs, careers, birthdays - each represents something of an end as well as another beginning.

Drew and Olivia are safely in Richmond, beginning their lives there. It is wicked hot - 97F (36C for you Llama) today. Olivia mentioned the heat when she called Saturday evening to say they were safely in residence. Chicago, on the other hand, has had some really cool days this summer, so I had a light jacket on! So, they are beginning new life, a new home, and even a new climate. I'm sure they've already begun the quest for a new church and a new church family as well; today marks the beginning of his new teaching position too. So many new beginnings must, by definition, represent an equal number of endings. It is never easy to be in a new place and begin again, so my prayers are with them for strength and courage.

I am beginning to rework the house, to clean, to rearrange the furniture to fill in the gaps left by those things I am grateful they took with them (it was a bit too full here). I am beginning to think of the house as just mine and not ours - that is a strange thought since I've been part of an "ours" for almost 30 years. There is definitely a sense of sadness as I look at the empty room and the emptier garage, but there also is just the slightest sense of wonder beginning to spring up in me as I contemplate what God has in mind for this ending and its new beginning.

Work is a new beginning for me as well. My desk isn't in an office closed away from all the business of the lab. It isn't lined with book cases and equipped with a spacious work area. It's just a narrow desk slot in the lab beside the lab benches. There are others around talking and working and sometimes that makes concentration difficult because I've forgotten the art of being still amidst a crowd. I'm afraid my hands have forgotten a good many things too that they'll have to remember very shortly as I begin doing my own experiments again. It is a new beginning that I welcome. An old friend and colleague was in yesterday to talk with the "boss" and he noted that I looked much happier than the last time he'd seen me, and indeed he was right!

On Sunday, I found that my hands on the piano are the same way, forgetful. They fumble and stumble over the keys. And yet, there are some young women who love to sing and my piano is a wonderful place for it to happen; they just need accompaniment. In the past, there were young people that just need a place to talk and to be listened to. They don't come by now as often as they did in the past; they are grown up now and gone on to other things. But, when they do stop by, they still check to see if the cookie jar is full. Still, there are a few; and I wonder if a new stream of young people is about to begin just as one wonders when there are a few raindrops on the window panes just how much rain is to follow. Even though I love my privacy, somehow it seems right and good when they are here. I love it when the young adults come by as well; they dream aloud and plan how to best lead these younger ones. (They check out the cookie jar too.) It is good to know that they feel safe here, to talk to think aloud, to dream.

Yes, it would appear that God is not finished with me yet. It is clear that I don't get to say "finished" just because my own is on her own. God just hasn't revealed the path very far ahead yet, but I know that He has one. I have a feeling it involves these who wander through my life for a season, but we'll see. Whatever His plan is for my future, it is good. It will give me a future with hope because He is a risen Savior. Not only did He die for me, He lives for me today at the right hand of the Father, and I can depend on His love and His care.

And then there were none...

2009-07-31T14:14:00.005-05:00

As I sit and type, Drew and Olivia are preparing the last items for their move. The huge pod that sits like a dead behemoth in my driveway is packed and ready for pickup. Drew is loading the car and Olivia is getting the last of the things in the house ready. I have withdrawn for a few minutes of quiet before the final goodbyes.

I've done all the mom things I know to do. I cooked a late brunch of their favorites - a pig's worth of bacon, cheese eggs and blueberry pancakes. A cooler of drinks and sandwiches, cheese and cookies stands ready to go in last. I prayed over them as we sat down to eat breakfast. These are the things a mom knows how to do for her children, for as old as they grow, they're always her children. But, I fear there are so many things I've left undone and these things I must leave to faith. They belong to the great God, the Sovereign of the universe, who loves, cares and provides for His children. Moms want to do so much for their children, but there are things that a mom just cannot do. But that's Ok because He can, so I leave them in His hands and His care for there is no better place for them to be.

In just a bit now, they will drive away to their new life. I am a proud mom - of both of them, of the daughter born to me and the son given to me. 3John1:4 expresses it so very well, "I have no great joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.

Grace and peace my children, great success in the new direction the Lord is leading you. Pursue Him with all that you are and all that you have and I will love you always and always have great joy.

For Triston

2009-07-22T23:32:00.003-05:00

I tried to put a response into a question/comment that Triston made. He said that my comment about abortion was "Cryptic and confusing". I believe that he was referring to the statement I'd made about abortion, "It's rarely as simple as right or wrong I'm afraid."

So, my comment is too long and I've almost lost it. Rather than try to rewrite or shorten it, I'll just make it into a new post and ask your patience as it is late and I don't know that I've really finished editing it yet, so it may be very rough at present.

I didn't intend to be cryptic; I simply meant that, for many reasons, I find abortion a rather complicated issue. For as much as I dislike someone speaking for me when I've been asked a direct question (I assume if it is a general question then all are free to contribute), Ted actually seems to understand part of what I was thinking in his “goodness gracious, Triston” comment. So, if anyone is confused, I suggest you go back to the quoted comments towards the end of the last post.

I have known and seen the anguish close up that Ted speaks of, and from a time when Roe v Wade was only a few months old. In all that time I don't recall, for all the tears and anguish I saw, a woman ever deciding to deliberately "murder" a baby. What I saw were desperate women that were confused and scared and following what society said was right. We were taught that life began at birth. We saw it on the news with the little JFK baby – born alive to die shortly thereafter. If he’d been born dead it would be, in the eyes of the church, as if he’d never been born at all and very simple. But since he’d lived a few minutes or hours, he was treated very differently. The live birth was what made the difference – and we watched and listened as we grew up to those stories and took away their lessons.

So, we learned from the news; we learned in others ways as well and used words like conceptus and fetus, not baby. We also were taught societal values, deeply ingrained, not Biblical principles, and therefore made decisions based on faulty information. Southern society lives on not causing humiliation to your family; thou shalt not call boys was elevated to the level of the 10 Commandments, so we rejected them all, at least I certainly did. And yet, if you asked any of us if Jesus was the Christ and if He was the only way to heaven, we would have agreed and said, "surely yes". To this day I still believe “surely yes” was a real representation of what we believed, what we were trusting our eternal destinies to.

And yet, there we were, making decisions based on faulty data. We weren't talking about murder. Gosh, how can it be murder when you didn't even recognize life? Yes, it was so much less clear than it is to you now. So, in remembering the confusion and miscommunication and lack of Biblical training, do I look at those women or at myself and say, “murderer”? No, I do not. I just grieve for what the deceiver accomplished. I wouldn't walk up to a person on the street or at an abortion clinic and "murderer" either. I would try to build a relationship so that I could teach them about Christ and then let the Holy Spirit do His work.

I still remember the day my views on abortion changed, what I was doing, where I was. I was traveling with a work colleague, also a man from my church. He and his wife trained at L’abri. We talked, a lot, as we drove about the South Georgia countryside. He asked me why and I told him. It was a similar tale for many, in laws, preparation, parents, horror, sadness, despair. Then he asked what I thought of God, if he was sovereign. A "yeah duh" answer. But he pressed the point home. He asked me to follow my thoughts through to the logical conclusion. God started something and I finished it; I put myself in the place of God, made His decision for Him deciding that I knew better what the future should hold for many people than did He. It was as if time stood still and an out of focus microscope suddenly focused in on an object in 100X detail and I knew he was right. God started it so God needed to direct it; He needed to make the choices, not me.

So, it has very little to do with murder for me. It has only to do with the fact that God is sovereign and for me that settles it. So, is abortion murder – maybe so? It is not so clear for me as it is for you Triston. What is clear to me is that the creation of life is God’s business, from start to finish, not mine. To wrest control from His hand by choosing an abortion is plain and simple idolatry.

Hope this makes my position more clear to you now.

The Beginning - I hope

2009-07-06T11:49:00.003-05:00

So often in the Christian faith we are required to just take things on faith. I am very aware of that as I start my first full week in a job that is not yet official. I am present in the laboratory; I am working on work; my supplies and books bear evidence of habitation. There is the appearance of "official", but is it really? Will the paperwork come through and back date this month's work to make it official or will something happen and I will realize it was only an illusion? Only time will tell and until then I must work by faith that this is what I am supposed to be doing and trust that, in time, things will right themselves in the paperwork world of bureaucracy.

This certainly reminds me of other areas of my life where I walk by faith and not by sight. Actually, it has been a great real life example for me of late as to not only the requirement that we walk by faith and not by sight, but how hard it is to do so. It also is a reminder, however, that things can appear one way when they are not that way at all. Sometimes things have the appearance of good but they are not; they are false, deceptive and evil.

Reveal to us loving, gracious and merciful heavenly Father those things on which we rely that are really false and deceptive. Fill us with your truth; help us to see our spiritual condition through Your eyes and not be deceived by "a way that seems right" (Prov 14:12; 16:25).

The End of a Long Week

2009-07-03T11:05:00.002-05:00

Thanks to our lovely independence from our British friends :), I have an especially welcome holiday today. It's been an extremely long week with last weekend's wedding (my daughter's best friend), packing and moving from my office of 6.5 years, and cleaning.

It seems like cleaning has been the general theme of the week. I wanted to leave my office clean for it's next occupant so some scrubbing and cabinet wiping was in order. I wanted my new work space to be clean as well, so once again, out came the paper towels! A young friend is trying to get her "new" repo house ready for move in, but she works full time, has an out of town husband, and is pregnant - so a bit of cleaning help was again in order. Late last night, after the weeks work was over, I decided it was time to file taxes. Cleaning again as I went through the paperwork and chose what to keep and what I could throw away.

As I look at my "to do" list for the weekend I am not surprised to find more cleaning! The list includes laundry, dishes, house, garage, yard and more taxes. (Don't worry, there's some fun on the list too!) Like I said, cleaning is the weekly theme! More to the point though, I think there's some spiritual cleaning that needs to take place as well, some washing with the pure water of the Holy Spirit and the Word. The stress of the week, of the last few months, has left a layer of grime on my soul not unlike what I found in the waiting lab space. It's not that they didn't clean in preparation for my coming. The kind men had given it a cursory cleaning to prepare for my arrival the week before, but in the intervening days a new layer of dust accumulated. And then there were those hidden corners, nooks and crannies, and drawers that no one remembered to open.

My spiritual life is a lot like that with a new layer of dust from the stress of the week, places where I have not been able to willingly trust and walk in faith. I think that there are a few drawers that have gone unopened for a while as well and some hidden corners that need some light before they can be scrubbed clean.

Psalm 51:6,7 "Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts; and in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow."

Yes, it is a season for cleaning. Come Holy Spirit and apply Your truth; wash me so that I am clean.

A Day for Prayer

2009-06-29T06:50:00.002-05:00

It's time for finishing up; tomorrow is my last day at the post I've held for 6.5 years. I've been packing and trying to figure out what paperwork is needed at the old place and at the new. I'm afraid neither set is done properly yet. So, it's been a trying, frustrating time because of lack of communication between departments and schools. Each is upset with the other because I wasn't properly instructed and do not, therefore, have things in order as I should. It's a mess and I'm caught in the middle - not fun!

This morning though, I was reminded that this work communication issue isn't the only communication area giving me problems! It's been a hot, dusty time in my spiritual life as well. I feel as though I'm struggling to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I need the water of prayer, a visitation of the Holy Spirit to minister life to me and help me remember God's promises. I need to remember not only who I am but whose I am.

For prayer isn't getting on your knees--prayer is the elevation of the heart to God. That's all a man needs. You can pray in a prison, you can pray in an airplane, you can pray in a ship; you can pray anywhere and you can worship God, because it's Himself that we want, Himself.

AW Tozer, Success and the Christian, 30.

Likewise, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, bu the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God." Romans 8:26, 27

God in a Box

2009-06-23T05:17:00.002-05:00

Just a couple of Tozer quotes to start the day to remind me that God has a purpose for my life - today - at work - as I finish up. Hard to remember in the face of crisis, but needed. I need to remember that God is here, with me. I need to remember that He has allowed my circumstance and that He wants me to walk through them in a patient and worshipful fashion, trusting His character. It will require an extra measure of grace as the day draws near for this to be all done at work, especially with no where else to go. And yet, I know He is with me when I stop being fearful long enough to take time to breathe a prayer and remember. He is constant even when I am not; He is faithful even when I am not; He is unchanging when I am like waves tossing things about.

"The whole import and substance of the Bible teaches us that the God who does not need any thing nevertheless desires the adoration and worship of His created children."

Whatever Happened to Worship?, AW Tozer, pg37.

Worship: God's Presence on Monday

Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the
glory of God
--1 Corinthians 10:31

On Monday, as we go about our different duties and tasks, are we aware of the Presence of God? The Lord desires still to be in His holy temple, wherever we are. He wants the continuing love and delight and worship of His children, wherever we work.

Is it not a beautiful thing for a businessman to enter his office on Monday morning with an inner call to worship: "The Lord is in my office--let all the world be silent before Him."

If you cannot worship the Lord in the midst of your responsibilities on Monday, it is not very likely that you were worshiping on Sunday!...

I guess many people have an idea that they have God in a box. He is just in the church sanctuary, and when we leave and drive toward home, we have a rather faint, homesick feeling that we are leaving God in the big box.

You know that is not true, but what are you doing about it?

Whatever Happened to Worship?, AW Tozer, pg122.

Collateral Damage

2009-06-08T08:34:00.004-05:00

Just back in Chicago and facing many deadlines this week, so this will be brief; however, I have few thoughts I want to share with those of you who are still reading.

Collateral damage in times of warfare is what comes to mind as I've read through your comments from the past few posts and I'm very sorry that they were all published unattended by the moderator, naughty girl that she was off working and all......

I do not mind if you debate; but I do mind all this name calling and nastiness. Many of you, I am sadly afraid, are entrenched in nasty, each in your own way. Some of you dig into your position and fight, refusing to retreat even when you are wrong. Some of you like the full frontal attack, but when attacked back turn, run and hide behind a convenient excuse. And then there are some of you who like sniper warfare, quiet for a while and then a barrage of bullets is launched just before you again retreat. And in your nastiness, you are causing collateral damage to all members of the blog, myself included.

This scripture, whether applicable to all blog contributors or not since James is addressing "brothers", comes to mind. James 3:10, 11 "From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. my brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water?"

So, I'm going to ask each of you to take some time and consider the collateral damage you have already caused as well as what you may cause before you speak. Some enemies are worth fighting and some are just a distraction that draw us away from the real question, the real battlefield for the hearts and minds of men, the ground before the cross of Jesus Christ. My intent for this blog is, as it has always been, I want it to be a place where 1) there can be a real discussion about the hope that is within us (1Peter3:15), and 2) a place where we may all come face to face with both the Man and the Cross and be radically transformed into His image.

For I am NOT ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes...

Grace and peace,

Susan

comment moderation

2009-06-05T07:18:00.002-05:00

has been placed on the blog as long as I'm away and can't moniter what is being said - I'll reconsider when I get back home later next week and can sort through what's been going on in my absence.

Going back to school and other updates

2009-05-30T12:40:00.005-05:00

Well, since we have heard from almost all of our regular participants, I think we can consider the blog migration a success! Now my goal is to find out how to export the contents of the original halfmom blog hosted on Xanga and merge them here as well.

Tomorrow I leave for "school" and I am rather excited. I am attending a practicum at the National Institute of Health in Bethesda, Maryland. It will be strange to be back in class 9-5, even if only for a week. I am very much looking forward to this special school put on by the Office of Dietary Supplements of the NIH. So many people, perhaps you readers too, think that botanicals or dietary supplements are without the potential to do harm since they can be purchased over the counter without a prescription. The Internet is full of unsubstantiated health claims for these preparations as well. I'm afraid this more than just simple misinformation; it could be quite dangerous in fact. Potentially every organ system in the body, including the brain, can be negatively impacted by botanicals and dietary supplements (even mineral and vitamin supplements) leading to impaired function or death. Since this is an area of research interest for me, I'm particularly excited to go and hear what the national and international experts in the field have to say. It will help me to design and carry out my research and to teach more effectively. Well, that is if I get to continue to do research and teach :)

On the job front, I still do not know where or if I will be employed come July 1, but God does. So I continue to do what needs to be done, send out job applications, do the work I am currently paid for to the best of my ability and wait patiently. Some days, or at least parts of days, I have a tremendous amount of peace and assurance of God's control. Other times, I must admit that I get a bit panicky! I never have liked feeling out of control and surely do not now - but it strikes me as though being "out of control" in this area of my life might be just what I need in order for God to be "in control". I suppose in some ways it reminds me of the comment John the Baptist made when questioned about his ministry versus that of Jesus. He said, "He must increase; I must decrease". In the same fashion, I must give control of my life over to Him to be truly in control of my life.

Hopefully there won't be tremendous amounts of homework, so maybe I'll "see" you all in the coming week (and a bit of sightseeing as well). If not, I'll see you on the other side of "going back to school".

Migration almost done

2009-05-26T17:06:00.002-05:00

Migration back to this blog (the original in blogger) is almost done - have transferred all of the HalfmomAKASusan back here.

Please come here from now on. I'll leave the other site up for a while until I'm sure this works and then will delete it altogether. Too hard to keep up with the email accounts for both!

Want to make sure not to loose any of your lovely comments though!

The correct link will be here http://halfmom.blogspot.com/

"Warning, Warning, Danger Will Robinson"

2009-05-26T07:12:00.000-05:00

The line from an old sitcom from the 60's comes to mind as I begin to think about "migrating" this blog so that it is joined together with the old "halfmom" blog.

Just thought I'd give you a "warning" that I was going to try to do this in the next week or so. That way if you drop by and find something looks askew, you'll know I'm in the process of trying to put the two together to simplify the whole!

Just a thought

2009-05-18T10:42:00.000-05:00

I've been having a lovely email exhange with a friend this morning about wedding photos and the impending move of the newlyweds to Virginia. The topic turns to my job and my extroverted friend suggests a local bookstore as a "for the time being" employment. As we banter back and forth about other possibilites, I mention that Starbucks might be more to my liking as they have benefits, and reassure him that I'm not in need as my contract doesn't end until June 30th.

His return email contains this phrase, "June 30th is a long way off and you're right, God can do awesome things, especially if you give him 6 weeks. :-) "

And he is so right.

Taking help where it can be found

2009-05-02T15:59:00.004-05:00

A favorite quote from Tozer - it speaks so very clearly to those I seek out, whether by reading or hearing, those who know Him most intimately and explain it to me the most clearly.

Toward anything like thorough scholarship I make no claim. I am not an authority on any man's teaching; I have never tried to be. I take my help where I find it and set my heart to graze where the pastures are greenest. Only one stipulation do I make: my teacher must know God, as Carlyle said, "otherwise than by hearsay," and Christ must be all in all to him. If a man have only correct doctrine to offer me I am sure to slip out at the first intermission to seek the company of someone who has seen for himself how lovely is the face of Him who is the Rose of Sharon and the Lily of the Valley. Such a man can help me, and no one else can.

AW Tozer "God's Pursuit of Man", xiv.

Taking help where it can be found

2009-05-02T15:59:00.003-05:00

A favorite quote from Tozer - it speaks so very clearly to those I seek out, whether by reading or hearing, those who know Him most intimately and explain it to me the most clearly.

Toward anything like thorough scholarship I make no claim. I am not an authority on any man's teaching; I have never tried to be. I take my help where I find it and set my heart to graze where the pastures are greenest. Only one stipulation do I make: my teacher must know God, as Carlyle said, "otherwise than by hearsay," and Christ must be all in all to him. If a man have only correct doctrine to offer me I am sure to slip out at the first intermission to seek the company of someone who has seen for himself how lovely is the face of Him who is the Rose of Sharon and the Lily of the Valley. Such a man can help me, and no one else can.
AW Tozer "God's Pursuit of Man", xiv.

Wind

2009-04-27T08:28:00.000-05:00

It is quite windy today and it was through the night and yesterday. I hate wind and have since I was a small child. At least I hate this kind of wind, wind without associated lightening and thunder. I rather like storms and even pleasant summer breezes. It's only this kind of wind that bothers me, wind that makes noise and tosses things about; it makes me uneasy and quite cross somehow.

I think of it swirling around all the new pollen, not a good thing for my allergies. I think of it knocking the small buds off the ornamental cherry tree before they can bloom and I can see them again. It is even shredding the lovely daffodils and hyacinths by the front door before I can enjoy them. I think that it is likely my last spring in my home and I want to see and enjoy the tree once more.

There seems to be a lot of "wind" in my life right now tossing things to and fro. In two more months my of of 6.5 years ends. It will be "gone" without another to look forward to, no job, no leads, nothing of promise. I think of selling my home before I've ever fully unpacked, decorated and really "lived" here. I think of my adult children, a great joy in my life, and their impending move as well. They leave their cozy apartment just a few miles from this house in the summer and move across the country as they continue their new life together. I think of the body that does not obey the brain and the pain that sucks life out of me. I feel tossed about and torn by the wind in my life and I realize that I am afraid.

Each time there is a quiet period to "catch my breath" and I think perhaps that the wind has finally subsided, it starts up again with high gusts that whistle through the windows and trees. Each time, something new becomes dislodged, another job rejection, my parents deteriorating health. I wish the wind would stop and I could hear the quiet. I feel as though I need to hear the quiet. I think that I can only hear the Holy Spirit if it gets quiet. But then I remember that God spoke to Job IN the whirlwind, not in the quiet. He spoke to Job in a way that Job could finally hear at at time when all of life was turned upside down.

I still want the wind to stop - but more than that, I want to hear the voice of a Living God speaking to me in the midst of it.

There's No Place Like Home

2009-04-22T19:38:00.000-05:00

Sitting in a bar by myself (it's the only place where the internet is free is this hotel) wanting to be home. But, my flight isn't until 6am - tomorrow.

No wonderful insights to offer - just ready to be home.

More wedding photos

2009-04-15T22:01:00.000-05:00

So, here are a few more pictures to give you some insight to our day.
First we have the happy couple...

and then, the mother of the bride trying to be stoic as she watches her daughter walk down the aisle. I think I look more like I might bite someone's head off!

Last, but not least, we have the bride with two of her older siblings,

Julie and Christopher.

More about ice....

2009-04-12T22:13:00.000-05:00

It's late; I have to get up early; I'm sitting here with ice on my shoulder and I still have a report to write. So why am I blogging? Hard to believe that there could be more spiritual truth be derived from applying ice to one's body, but here's what I'm thinking.

The ice is on my shoulder; the pain is in my arm. It just strikes me as funny that I have to force myself to put the ice on the shoulder rather than packing it around my arm where I feel the pain! The ice has to be on the heart of the problem to be effective.

I wonder how many times in life I deal with the symptoms instead of the problem - just trying to make the symptoms go away because they are painful. I wonder how many times I actually make things worse by ignoring the root cause. As my BSF leader says, "the heart of the matter is a matter of the heart".

Psalm 139:23, 24 Search me, O God and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Meet Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Hall

2009-04-08T09:26:00.000-05:00

News Briefs

2009-03-30T12:25:00.000-05:00

My daughter's wedding to Andrew is now 5 days away - while there's much left to be done, it's amazing how much has already been prepared and especially wonderful to have so many friends who have come alongside to pick up the slack that short time and surgery have caused. Thank you, each and everyone! Our family - through Christ's blood rather than by birth's blood - never ceases to amaze me! ("God sets the lonely in families" Ps 68:6) Even now, the Craver family sits on ready waiting for a task to be assigned where there is none yet because we have been so well cared for - and the Deichert's preparing to drive their little family across country to be "home" with us - how cool is that!

The surgery on my shoulder was more involved than the surgeon thought it would be. My primary care physician was not surprised, for such has been the course of my medical life - complicated. And yet, as I spoke of in the previous post, God has used the difficulties to teach me so many truths by application. I understand so much more clearly the passages dealing with the church as a body that needs to work well together, each part doing it's own separate job, but coordinated with the whole. Goodness does it ever hurt when the parts get out of whack and don't behave as they're supposed to!

I am recovering, mostly at home, for the moment. However, some meetings and a lecture this week require my presence at the office, at least part time, beginning tomorrow. So - I nap and then I work, and then I nap some more. Physical therapy begins tomorrow and I am glad. My physical therapist is great - encouraging, caring but not the least bit slack in pushing me to do what I need to do, and being clear about what it is so I know if I'm trying to do too much. Another lesson in taking each day as it comes and dealing with what is there and no more! It is always hard work each day and painful as well, but so worthwhile in the long run! I am excited to do normal things like swing a golf club, cast a lure, dig in the dirt without paying for it later. And, as the "couple" talk about their future, they remind me to be good as I may have a baby to hold some years in the future.

Blog life continues to be interesting for those of you who weren't up to wading through the comments on the last post. I'm not sure even I remember the latest topic. Actually, through my pain medication haze (I do hate this stuff, and the necessity for it!!!!) I believe there to be two diverging lines at present - cherry picking and large fish. Since my presence may be limited for the time being, I'd like to say for the record, I have no trouble at all with the God of time and space manipulating it in any way and time He sees, or saw, fit so that a rather big fish swallowed a small, rebellious man only to spew him up, quite repentant, three days later. It is rather like God, don't you think, to do something gracious and totally out of the ordinary to get the attention of a single man so that he repents? Seems to be repetition on a theme to me, but then I have no trouble at all reconciling the scientific "data" with the story of creation. I'm quite comfortable in saying that I currently "see in a mirror dimly" and one day will see clearly and am comfortable waiting until that day to have my questions answered.

I must say a particular thank you to Lutl-Luther for the nice explanation of the anti-cherry picking aspects of our faith - nicely done and thank you for representing my position so well! We must indeed take the scriptures as a whole and take a long and thoughtful look at how the New Testament fulfills the Old and where that leaves us for the instructions for everyday life. I taught as much last week to our senior high school students when we dealt with the topic of holiness. The topic was, "what is normal". The position I take is that the Old Testament command from God, "Be holy as I am holy" is not one that we may disregard because it is repeated so many times and in so many ways in the New Testament. We then talked about what it actually means to be holy and what this looks like in comparison with cultural norms. This week we moved on to more specifics and I team taught with two "young" men (well, compared with me) that I respect very much. Interestingly enough, the topic of fish came up again! However, this time it was in reference to bait - a good fisherman knows what he's after and always uses the most attractive bait to cover the hook. I'd say fish are pretty stupid but then I'd condemn myself as well for the load of bait I've swallowed in a lifetime, but that is a story for a different day. All I will say at this point is thank goodness for a God who is not only an expert at removing hooks, but also is gracious enough to be glad to do so!

So, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Thanks for continuing to read and discuss despite my frequent periods of quiet. I am here reading, just so you know; however, you all seem quite capable of carrying the conversation(s) without any need of my words.

A Way that Seems Right

2009-03-03T11:05:00.000-06:00

So, the health news update requested by Craver is this - the glenoid labrum of the left shoulder is torn, with only a little more than half still attached to the bone. Subsequent tearing of the biceps tendon as well has led to destabilization of the shoulder joint. With each movement the arm bone wiggles about in the joint (and sometimes out of the joint too, boo!); and each time it does, it hits nerves - ouch!

The surgery is scheduled for the 24th of March, about 10 days before Olivia and Drew marry. They wanted to do surgery today but I have a week-long business meeting a thousand miles away starting Friday. Apparently flying and surgery do not go well together. So, March 24th it is. Don't you think I'll look cute as the mother of the bride going down the aisle in a sling? Olivia is threatening to "bedazzle" it for me to match the wedding party; but, um, I declined.

Now it's time for ice again and I don't want to do it. I hate ice and would much rather curl up with a heating pad. Lovely, warm heat just seems so much more appropriate for pain. Ice is so harsh, so uncomfortable, so COLD! But, as it turns out, heat actually makes it worse, more swelling, more pain, more damage. And it leads me to wonder why my inclinations are almost always backwards to what is right or wise.

I guess it's no wonder that this, as it represents repetition on a theme over the course of my life, brings to mind a Bible verse. Both Proverbs 14:12 and 16:25 say, "There is a way that seems right to a man but its end is the way of death". Some things seem so good, so right, so necessary - just like the warmth of the heating pad - but they lead to death. Sometimes the death is spiritual and sometimes physical as well. In this case, it is literal death of muscle tissue! How scary is that??

I wonder how often I choose other things that seem right rather than look first at God's perspective from Scriptures? And when I do know what God has revealed in Scripture as right or wrong, how often do I actually heed these truths, incorporating them in a practical way into the fabric of my life?

Certainly questions worth pondering.

Congratulations Craver!!

2009-02-27T00:07:00.000-06:00

Please join me in welcoming Craver's first grandchild - a grandson - into the world!!

What do we believe?

2009-02-10T02:03:00.000-06:00

We've had some interesting conversations of late as to what we believe and how much of it may be left up to private interpretation. Some argue that all is up for grabs, to be twisted and used as one sees fit, for the self need of the moment. And some argue that, due to internal consistency, little is left up to interpretation. What is left to interpretation may be discussed, even argued about, but at the end of the day, it must be taken on faith - some parts understood well and some parts seen, as it were, in a mirror dimly for the present time.

How would I quickly and clearly express what things I think are basic to Christian doctrine? Good question, I come back time and time again to Rich Mullins' musical version of the Apostles' Creed. He worded it just a bit differently than the original (which is about 1900 years old at this point if I've done my math correctly) so that it was more easily put to music, but has in no way changed the original meanings.

As much as I love this synopsis of the basic tenants of the faith, my favorite part is an addition of Rich's. As he was known for in life, and what is perhaps appreciated even more since his death, is his addition of a practical application and his application resonates with my soul. His refrain speaks volumes about the impact Scripture has on my daily life! He says, "I did not make it, for it is making me. It is the very truth of God and not the invention of any man." And I find that this statement is more true each day of my life, with each passage of scripture I read, study, meditate on and seek to incorporate into my life. I did not, nor could not, make Scripture, but it surely is making me into a new creature.

Scripture is alive, it breathes, and if allowed, will mold and make us like the Word Himself, the One that breathed the universe into being. We will be transformed from glory to glory and we will come to resemble the Holy One of Israel in direct proportion to the time we spend sitting and soaking in the richness that Scripture contains and letting Scripture interpret itself. This transforming power of Scripture is not something I make, or interpret - it is alive and it makes me - I must simply take it in as God's Word and trust Him to work it into my life.

So, for those of you who are not familiar with it - here at the lyrics. You can google it and hear him sing it on Utube if you like.

"I believe in God the Father Almighty Maker of Heaven and Maker of Earth
And in Jesus Christ His only begotten Son, our Lord
He was conceived by the Holy Spirit
Born of the virgin Mary
Suffered under Pontius Pilate
He was crucified and dead and buried

And I believe what I believe is what makes me what I am
I did not make it, no it is making me
It is the very truth of God and not the invention of any man

I believe that He who suffered was crucified, buried, and dead
He descended into hell and on the third day, rose again
He ascended into Heaven where He sits at God's mighty right hand
I believe that He's returning To judge the quick and the dead of the sons of men

And I believe what I believe is what makes me what I am
I did not make it, no it is making me
It is the very truth of God and not the invention of any man
I believe it, I believe it I believe it I believe it, I believe it

I believe in God the Father Almighty Maker of Heaven and Maker of Earth
And in Jesus Christ His only begotten Son, our Lord
I believe in the Holy Spirit, One Holy Church, The communion of Saints,
The forgiveness of sin
I believe in the resurrection
I believe in a life that never ends

And I believe what I believe is what makes me what I am
I did not make it, no it is making me
I did not make it, no it is making me
I said I did not make it, no it is making me
It is the very truth of God and not the invention of any man

I believe it, I believe I believe it, I believe I believe it, I believe it I believe it, I believe it I believe it, I believe it I believe it"

*Creed, by Rich Mullins and Beaker - Edward Grant, Inc., 1993 - Kid Brothers of St. Frank Publishing.

Who, What, When, Where, How?

2009-01-26T09:58:00.000-06:00

These questions flood through my mind unbidden. I try to push them away and just do the day's work, or at least figure out what the day's work should be. It's already late morning and I've barely begun to begin. I still sit at home on the couch with laptop, hot tea and headache.

Some people grow up with a burning desire to do one thing, or they develop such a desire later in life - to write, to investigate, to organize, to preach, to manage, to design, to teach. Not me, I can be happy doing many of those things, and a few more besides; I just don't do them well enough to get paid for it! I rather fell into science as a career. I asked why almost as soon as I could talk; ask my mom if you don't believe me, because she remembers this painfully well since well-mannered children were not to question everything they saw and heard! Science was the one place that questioning everything and wanting to understand "why" seemed to be acceptable.

I loved science in high school, at first because it was science and the teachers were good, and maybe later on just because I wanted to be different than the other girls. They were cheerleaders, popular girls, beauty queens and theater lovers, and I didn't belong. College was better, but hit or miss until I found a niche that I enjoyed, and the niche enjoyed me and rewarded me with A's. My "career", as with so many scientists, is the result of many serendipitous twists and turns.

Somehow I have wandered away from my niche and have ended up where I do not belong. I am alone in my office, without vision or drive to achieve, without other scientists or graduate students to talk with, unproductive, and unmotivated and in physical pain. I struggle to even go in and sit at my desk for a while each day and this is not like me. My daddy named me "his little work horse" when I was growing up. I have always loved to work hard and long - at anything - and to see the fruits of my labor. Now I struggle with the overwhelming sense of being overwhelmed and not knowing how to proceed either at work or at home. I sit, almost frozen, holding my breath in pain, in pain. The pain can, and sometimes is, physical. But there is also the pain of waiting to hear if my position will be continued, apparently based on the bottom line of a budget and nothing more. But one cannot sit for two months and wait; there are still tasks that must be accomplished at home and at work. There is still a drive, even if driven by conscience alone, to be productive and fruitful.

So, I will continue to wait and I wonder what God has in mind for my future. I have taken all the responsible adult steps and even checked with a senior university official to make sure that they were the right steps for the right reasons. And yet, the waiting must continue, because He does not answer me quickly or clearly at present.

I am weary of waiting, especially in some personal areas. Some days I wrestle with God in prayer as did Jacob*. Some days, as Jacob did before me, I realize quite painfully that God has permanently set my "hip" out of its socket for reasons that are not clear to me and I struggle just to hold on to His feet. I cling to His feet and beg Him to hear me, to answer me, to bless me. It is quiet, it is still and I want to give up because I am weary of trying to hold on, but where else is there to go? Who else has the Words of life (John 6:67-69)? Today is a holding on day and I readily acknowledge that even that is not in my own strength. How funny it is that even clinging must be endued with power from on high.

But I know that He is faithful (Phil 1:6; Heb 10:22,23) and will surely continue to lead me all the way home. Surely He is faithful, even through seemingly serendipitous circumstances, to train me and place me where He wants me to be.

"Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the One who is leading." Oswald Chambers

*Genesis 32, sermons on prayer by Pastor Marty Voltz

Why do you do it?

2009-01-19T22:56:00.000-06:00

So, I've answered your comments on the previous blog, but here is your chance for true confession. And this is a serious question - I'm not looking for a compliment or an excuse - I'm really looking for an answer.

Why to do you come here? Specifically, why do you come here to discuss things that 1)I'd rather you didn't discuss, 2)I've asked you not to discuss?

I understand why you want to discuss them, truly I do. Each of you has a different opinion - some more different than others of course, but a different opinion. Each wants to be clearly understood by the other. In fact, so clearly and persuasively understood that you change the other's position. That I understand quite clearly of course.

But why here? Why don't you have these discussions on your own blogs - why don't you converse back and forth with each other where you aren't censured or corrected or asked to behave? What's the draw to having the discussions here?

Just curious. Honestly, just curious.

A Whole Day

2009-01-10T09:58:00.000-06:00

It is 10am and I am wondering what I will do with my day. Early morning leader's meeting for Monday's Bible study was canceled due to the snow, so I got an extra two hours of sleep! That brought me up to 6.5 hours and made me almost coherent when I got back up to head out for the 2 hour drive to Rockford to stand in for my daughter. I was to report back on how O's selection of bridesmaids' dresses look on this particular young woman. But, the same snow that canceled the early morning Bible study continued to fall (and still is) and canceled this trip as well.

So, here I am with a day "to myself". That's an odd happening these days. The house almost always has another person in it, but today it is quiet with the lively one in MI with her fiance at his beloved grandfather's funeral. Most of my Bible study prep is done for Monday, the laundry is going already and I'm well into my second cup of coffee! Except for the sound of the washing machine and drier, it is quiet. Across from me, the tree lights are white glowing pinpoints of light next to the glass doors with their shades raised so I can see the falling snow. It is lovely to just sit here and look at the snow and the tree.

I could take down the tree but will not. I am quite determined to have a picture of it fully decorated with both O and her fiance in front of it first! This is the last year that it will have "her" ornaments on it since next year they will have their own tree to decorate and many of the ornaments are gifts from me that will go with her as she begins her new life!

I should, and will, continue the laundry for it is easy to do - sheets and towels require little but "changing over". I could clean the house, for it surely needs it, and perhaps I will, at least a bit. More likely, I will take a large portion of the day to just read and think quietly. I find that the more time I have for Bible study and for reading books about God and His character and how one applies this knowledge to the practical aspects of daily life, the more time I want to spend doing exactly that! I have been progressing very slowly in the book of Mark in my personal study (BSF is going through the life of Moses this year. So far we have gotten through Exodus), so it would be lovely to get through an entire chapter in Mark today! Oh, and the bookshelf contains so many books I long to read. Then there is that wonderful bag full of yarn to make up into an afghan for Drew, and the wood that waits to be carved into Christmas ornaments, and paints and pencils and paper......

What would you do if you suddenly found yourself snowed in with a day "all to yourself"?

Among Other Things

2008-12-23T20:12:00.000-06:00

Some of the waiting is done - see the photos below and you'll know why - but some remains - jobs and such. And, with this posting, you'll know what skulduggery the mother of the bride has been up to and forgive my lack of posts in the last two months as there was MUCH sneaking to do.

To read more details to find out why they are sitting on the floor in a Turkish restaurant, go to "the boy's" blog, as we affectionately call him!

Incompetent Blogger

2008-12-02T09:47:00.002-06:00

I continue to try to get the two blogs merged - but I don't seem to be able to - so if you end up here because I left a comment under this blog name, please do go to the active blog site to contribute to the ongoing conversations......

http://susanakahalfmom.blogspot.com/

Waiting

2008-12-02T09:16:00.000-06:00

There's a lot of waiting going on in my house - both my daughter and I are waiting on news of new jobs, waiting for our puppy to come home (no, no news), waiting for good news of beloved ones in crisis, waiting for deadlines to be over and last weeks of a hard job to be done well, waiting for new beginnings, waiting for Christmas - waiting and wondering.

Drew has a wonderful post on waiting, utilizing the words of Dietrich Bonhoeffer; so, in this time of waiting for us, I thought some of you might be waiting too and that Drew's post might be of as much comfort to you as it is to me.

The God who is here

2008-11-24T11:49:00.000-06:00

It is funny to think about my last post, in an ironic sort of way that is. I was being grateful for a simple bowl of oatmeal during what I perceived to be a difficult time. I didn't know that I was getting ready to go into a more difficult time!

So, now, especially in this American season of Thanksgiving, I am trying to develop an even more grateful heart during an more difficult time, both in my own family and in families of those dear to me. When I read this Tozer quote this morning, it struck me as it always does, like an arrow through the heart.

"Every man is as close to God as he wants to be; he is as holy and as full of the Spirit as he wills to be...."

When I wonder what in the world is going on in my life and wonder where God is in my own personal circumstances, when I question whether He is even paying attention, I find that they answer is yes, He is right where He has always been. He is holding me, walking through it with me!

Spiritual Warfare and Sin: Mediocre Christianity

Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts. And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. --Romans 6:12-13

It is disheartening to those who care, and surely a great grief to the Spirit, to see how many Christians are content to settle for less than the best. Personally I have for years carried a burden of sorrow as I have moved among evangelical Christians who somewhere in their past have managed to strike a base compromise with their heart's holier longings and have settled down to a lukewarm, mediocre kind of Christianity utterly unworthy of themselves and of the Lord they claim to serve. And such are found everywhere....

Every man is as close to God as he wants to be; he is as holy and as full of the Spirit as he wills to be....

Yet we must distinguish wanting from wishing. By "want" I mean wholehearted desire. Certainly there are many who wish they were holy or victorious or joyful but are not willing to meet God's conditions to obtain.

From, "That Incredible Christian", pg 64.

Gratitude

2008-11-13T09:13:00.000-06:00

It's funny how the hectic things of life can make us value the simple even more.

Life has been, in the least, a whirlwind of uncertainly and upset of late. Lots of changes at church - good ones, but still unsettling as we all get used to the new normal. Life at home as been a blur as my daughter comes and goes to the city to work in the difficult environment of an inner city school under some administrators, who in my humble opinion, aren't very good at working with people.

Life at my office is uncertain as I wait to hear if I will have a position in the spring and can never get a definitive answer. Health issues swirl about - mine and others - a friend with breast cancer again, loss of an uncle to heart failure, the failing health of my parents and those of my friends' parents. Yep - life seems chaotic at best.

And yet, there are the simple things that give me pause and help me to remember that God is not, as I am so fond of saying, running around heaven saying, "oh my goodness, what will I do; I've lost control of Susan's life." This morning it was a simple bowl of oatmeal - not the little instant baggie size, but real, out of the good old Quaker Oats box, cooked oatmeal with raisins and walnuts. Not a bad find in a household that desperately needs to go to the grocery - enough raisins and walnuts and cinnamon to spice up the oatmeal to perfection. Then there was the quiet house to sit and eat it in and read my Bible as I prepare to leave for Washington for the Neuroscience meetings - AND I still have three hours at least before the cab picks me up to pack. May sound small to you - but these are big things to me - time, oatmeal, quiet.

And as I leave, I know my daughter is not only safely in His care, but safely in his care. I'm pretty grateful for these simple things that ground me to who I am and even more than that, to who He is.

At a loss for words

2008-11-06T09:54:00.000-06:00

Sometimes, I am quite articulate, or at least so they say. Usually, it is a back-handed compliment contained within conversation with a "recruiter" who is interviewing me by phone. "You are quite articulate" is generally used as a statement, frequently followed by the phrase, "for a scientist"!

But today, I don't feel articulate at all. My head aches, my thoughts of science, as I try to meet a grant deadline, are swirling about in my head like the moldy leaves blowing about in the grey day outside. So, instead of my owns thoughts, I will give you instead a taste of one of my favorite writers, as I find his ability to articulate truth always to be of help to me. Interestingly, it deals directly with a topic that has come up within some recent emails - why do even those who profess to believe in Christ behave as badly towards each other as they do? And, doesn't this, to a watching world, invalidate our testimonies? I think Tozer's explanation is pretty amazing - as usual!

So, from A.W. Tozer's "That Incredible Christian", pages 53-54:
Spiritual Warfare and Sin: A Saint In Embryo

For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. --Romans 7:22-23

The regenerate man often has a more difficult time of it than the unregenerate, for he is not one man but two. He feels within him a power that tends toward holiness and God, while at the same time he is still a child of Adam's flesh and a son of the red clay. This moral dualism is to him a source of distress and struggle wholly unknown to the once-born man. Of course the classic critique upon this is Paul's testimony in the seventh chapter of his Roman epistle.

The true Christian is a saint in embryo. The heavenly genes are in him and the Holy Spirit is working to bring him on into a spiritual development that accords with the nature of the Heavenly Father from whom he received the deposit of divine life. Yet he is here in this mortal body subject to weakness and temptation, and his warfare with the flesh sometimes leads him to do extreme things. "For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would" (Gal. 5:17).

King Solomon's Mines

2008-10-28T21:19:00.000-05:00

Somedays I just love peer-reviewed science. Sometimes it's because it's beyond belief and leaves the reader to wonder just who paid whom - or who knows whom, or is .....

Sometimes I love it because it's just awe inspiring. The most amazing little details are documented - the way just a few diferent bases in a small fragment of DNA can turn a switch this way or that and form all the different kinds of cells needed for the brain to function correctly - just a few base pairs!

And then today, it's just plain fun. Go figure that the wonderful, peer-reviewed, high on my list of scientific favorites, PNAS no less, would find and document King Solomon's Mines - the same ones that the Bible wrote about a few thousand years ago!

Here's a great quote from the facinating article, "But Thomas Levy et al. now report that radiocarbon dating of artifacts from Khirbat en-Nahas places the copper works back in the biblical narrative. Sticks of tamarisk, date seeds, and other woody materials used for charcoal in the smelting process were dated with subcentury precision from the 10th to 9th centuries BCE. In addition, an Egyptian amulet and a scarab found at the site tie Khirbat en-Nahas to a well-known military incursion by Pharaoh Sheshonq I."

Go figure that science would validate the biblical narrative......

Sadness

2008-10-21T07:51:00.000-05:00

So, Sunday was to have been the day when there was finally time to sit down and write about the things that were on my heart. However, when we came home from church and shopping we found that our young dog was missing. So, instead of thinking and writing as I intended, I've been praying, calling all the vets and groomers and going through the neighborhood to see if anyone has seen the new puppy. We're both so sad. He has been quite a handful but we have come to love him and realize that as hyper as he is, he is a part of our family. So, there's a huge gap when he's not here in the mornings - and the evenings - and between.

For those of you who do pray, if you would please ask that God would send him home, I would appreciate it. The general consensus of opinion from the Animal Control people is that he has been stolen, likely by someone within a mile or so of the house. They are hoping if I put up/out fliers that these people will feel guilty and let him go so he can get picked up by Animal Control and returned to us. He was within a few weeks of going in for his final shots and being microchipped. I was also in the process of grooming him so he looks a bit scraggly without his face and two of his legs finished - but that also means that he doesn't have his collar on either.

Thanks!

A matter of the heart

2008-10-06T09:19:00.000-05:00

So - this is as much as you get this morning as I begin to develop this notion first in my own mind.

But here's where we're going next. My BSF Teaching leader quite frequently says to us, "the heart of the matter is always a matter of the heart".

On faith

2008-09-23T10:15:00.000-05:00

I thought this particular quote from St. Augustine of particular interest since so many of the comments on the last blog posting had to do with faith.

“Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.”

It surely is true of faith in Christ. While I do not see Him with my physical eyes, I do believe - and the reward of this faith is that I see Him with my spirit in a way that more than overcomes any doubts that He exists and is who He said He was - and therefore is - and will always be.

A note of explanation and of thanks!

2008-09-18T22:31:00.000-05:00

Opening my email tonight I noticed several indicating "comments requiring moderation", and thought that perhaps you might like to know why this new feature has been added to some of the posts.

Usually, when a comment is left on a blog, the blog administrator gets an email to let them know. However, my system doesn't seem to like to do that. In fact, it only lets me know when Simon (of whom the system is very suspicious and gives me a warning no matter how many times I click in "allow content") and Ted leave comments.

So, unless I think to look, all the rest of you are commenting away and I don't even know to go and read your thoughtful comments, much less have a chance to acknowledge or reply to them. This has been very frustrating for me, particularly when there may be conversations happening on several different postings at the same time!

However, the comment enabling email does seem to work - go figure. I set it to automatically apply comment moderation to any blog posting that is over 7 days old, thinking that surely I would be able to post once a week! That way I could keep up with the daily comments and on the current posting and comment moderation would then allow me to know when someone left a comment on an older post. But, as you have been commenting prolifically, and I have been responding to your comments rather than putting up a new post, I clearly didn't make it under the 7 day wire. So, now we are set at a 10 day interval. Hopefully this will allow me to be aware of what is happening on my own blog as it sometimes seems to have a life of its own!

I hope this is not inconvenient or offensive for any of you. I know that it interrupts the flow of conversation somewhat, but I do check my email fairly frequently - more often than I am able to check the blog actually.

Do know that I appreciate all of you who read and comment. Your conversations, while greatly varied in content, are always interesting and frequently quite intriguing. Do also know that I take them all seriously (yes, even Craver and Martin's jokes!) and appreciate your effort and input!

Continually and tenaciously dwell

2008-09-11T15:10:00.000-05:00

I thought the following quote quite interesting in that it is a difficult time in my life, a time of chastisement as it were. Things aren't too pleasant at work, rather unsettling sometimes at home and definitely the past year or so at church has been a time of turmoil. So, it struck me quite profoundly that not only does one need to know how to Abide to get to the right end-point in the middle of a trial, one needs the trial to learn to Abide! For, with no threat, of tornado or severe storm, who runs to the basement as a place of shelter? With no threat of hurricane or tsunami, who retreats inland? So, I suppose if this is the way of blessing, of learning patience and humility that reflect the meekness and gentleness of Christ, so be it. I just wish I wasn't such a slow learner!

"O abide in Christ: the power of the flesh will be mortified, the impatience and self-will of the old nature be humbled, to make place for the meekness and gentleness of Christ. A believer may pass through much affliction and yet secure but little blessing from it all. Abiding in Christ is the secret of securing all that the Father meant the chastisement to bring us."

Andrew Murray, Abide in Christ, page 125

Double Tagged

2008-09-07T18:37:00.000-05:00

I have been tagged by both Craver and Ted for the same meme, originally posted by LL Barkat - so here are the rules:

Write about 5 specific ways blogging has affected you, either positively or negatively.
Link back to the person who tagged you.
Link back to the parent post, so she can track the meme.
Tag a few friends or five, or none at all.
Post these rules-- or just have fun breaking them.

Humm - how has blogging changed my life.

1. It brought Andrew into it. We met through the blog of mutual friends and I joined his prayer team while he was in Turkey on the mission field for two years.
2. It brough Andrew into my daughter's life - now we call him "the boy" - meaning the man that is now her boyfriend and has moved halfway across the country to be near her so they can determine the next step in their relationship.
3. It brought my beloved Lorenzo into my life, through, I think, Craver's blog!
4. It made me realize that I wasn't in control of my own blog - it doesn't seem to matter what I post, people just have the conversations that are on their hearts.
5. It gave Craver a chance to teach me that the word is "regardless" not "irregardless" as I am so prone towards saying!

Let's see, since I like to break rules, I believe I shall only tag Lorenzo and, Tortoishell - then anyone else who is reading that would care to join in the fun, please do!

Reading Bonhoeffer

2008-09-01T23:03:00.000-05:00

The following is an excerpt from Deitrich Bonhoeffer's book on the Psalms - it struck me as so totally profound - especially for someone like me as I frequently find myself wishing that I did a better job at getting and keeping myself organized and feeling rather deficit in the spiritual discipline of prayer. Never did it dawn on me until I read this that the two things might actually be related! So, the following has been very profound for me - enough to continue to mull it over in my mind repeatedly......

The Blessing of Morning Prayer

The entire day receives order and discipline when it acquires unity. This unity must be sought and found in morning prayer. It is confirmed in work. The morning prayer determines the day. Squandered time of which we are ashamed, temptations to which we succumb, weaknesses and lack of courage in work, disorganization and lack of discipline in our thoughts and in our conversation with other men, all have their origin most often in the neglect of morning prayer.

Order and distribution of our time become more firm where they originate in prayer. Temptations which accompany the working day will be conquered on the basis of the morning break-through to God. Decisions, demanded by work become easier and simpler where they are made not in the fear of men but only in the sight of God. “Whatever your task, work heartily, as serving the Lord and not men” (Colossians 3:23). Even mechanical work is done in a more patient way if it arises from the recognition of God and his command. The powers to work take hold, therefore, at the place where we have prayed to God. He wants to give us today the power, which we need for our work.

Pgs 64, 65 Psalms Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Going Home

2008-08-14T10:51:00.000-05:00

It's time for vacation!!

School starts for my daugher right after we return and I have some things I haven't finished - so, the laptop must travel with us.

Here is the first stop on the road home - Mountain City TN.

Then through these as we head for the the foothills of SC. Our biggest concern right now (other than actually getting packed and out the door) is whether the new car makes it through the mountains without new puppy barf in the back seat!

Tagged

2008-08-09T22:57:00.000-05:00

One of the things I love about LL is that she always answers tags as she pleases, i.e. she rewrites the rules to suit herself. So, I will accept Ted's tag but will simply say that if you wish to participate, then you may tag youself. Just leave us a comment and say that you have accepted a tag!

Here are the rules that Ted posted:

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
5. Present an image of martial discord (as in "war," not as in "marriage") from whatever period or situation you’d like.

I'm choosing to do #2!
1. If the sun shines on it, it freckles!
2. While considered by many to be a bit intimidating and confident, I'm really a softy inside (according to my daughter).
3. I love lime - limeade, key lime pie, lime yogurt!
4. I hate it when they groom my dog and give him a beard or other "whiskers" - he's a slob and that makes it even hard to keep him clean! (new pictures soon - if I can figure out how get him to stay still long enough)
5. No matter how hard I try to hide it, some of the Southern accent always comes through!
6. I'm held together with pins, screws and bailing twine.
7. I'm loving the writing of Andrew Murray in "Abide in Christ" - more in a post later!! He's amazing!

I didn't last a day

2008-07-27T19:56:00.000-05:00

Less than one day into ICAD and I'm already wearing my soccer sports slides with skirts - pitiful isn't it?

But such is life - I never did do very well with the heels worn by the drug company reps and the Europeans!

All I can say is it's going to be a long, long week!

Catching up

2008-07-26T11:21:00.000-05:00

First, let me assure you that the young couple in South Dakota have been happily married for a month now. The wedding was lovely and very creative as friends of the bride and groom are musically talented. The wedding quilt, made as a surprise for the couple by their friends, with many different people - including me - contributing hand-made squares, was a big hit!

The family news here over the past two and half weeks has been dominated by 1) the end of Olivia's first year as a teacher (hooray!!! she'll never be a first-year teacher again!!!!) and 2) the appearance of Andrew for a summer visit. Check out his posting of July 16 and July 23 for his side of the story!

The day of his arrival, I had a feeling that my life would never be quite the same again - and that is proving true! During the first 10 days he was here, he 1) interviewed for two high school science positions, 2) successfully obtained a position as a high school chemistry teacher for this fall, 3) talked Richmond, VA into letting him out of his 2008-2009 contract, 4) set a schedule for moving from VA, and 5) rented a van to move his things and left with my daughter in tow!

Hum, says the momma......

On the way to the wedding

2008-06-22T10:08:00.000-05:00

Here's where we're headed - Sioux Falls, South Dakota. The questions is, "will we ever get there?" Right now we are in Rochester, MN getting ready to head out again!

Hopefully we'll make it to Sioux Falls about 2pm our time to get ready for the 4pm wedding. So, why would we drive all the way to Sioux Falls, SD for a wedding - to share the joy of these two! Meet the soon to be Mel and Tim Murray!

Tim gets the award for the most innovative proposal method ever - he took Mel to a park where they had their first date, had a chess set ready and waiting, but missing the queen. The queen was in a box sitting beside the board, but it wasn't the regular queen, it was a hand made queen that had a removable part, allowing Tim to put the ring on it for presentation with his proposal. Way to go Tim! We are excited for these two - may they have a marriage that honors God in all things and great joy.

Once Upon A Time

2008-06-17T20:09:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time, quite a while ago, a valued friend wrote me a funny story. I thought I might share it with you to see if you laugh as much as I did.

You see, my friend’s last name is Fowler and he likes to catch birds. Being the smart alec I am, I commented one day at the wry irony of having a last name like Fowler and really being a birder at heart. I receive an interesting story not too long afterwards and it went something like this….

Yes, my name goes back to the dawn of social division of labour, sometime during the Palaeolithic Revolution when Homo sapiens was on the point of emerging from Homo erectus and language was developing. When stone tool cultures developed, it resulted in the acquisition of surplus food so that not every member of the community was required to be hunter gatherers, and individuals could specialise. These specialists needed names, so you can imagine them sitting round a fire chewing their woolly mammoth steak and the head man started pronouncing:

“You there (grunt), you did a fine job catching this mammoth, your name will be Hunter.”

“And you there, showed fine skills catching that salmon yesterday, you will be known as Fisher.”

“That man who invented the wheel can spend your life making more of them, you are called Wheeler, and the chap putting them on carts can be Carter and the man carrying the stuff to the carts will be caller Porter, and the man grinding the corn into flour is Miller.”

“And YOU, you horrible hairy man over there who seems to have a knack of catching birds, we’ll call you Fowler.”

"Very well", said I quite rightly amused, "and how then did I get my name if all names go back to the dawn of time?" First arrived this strange email with the following message, “Tell me Susan, has there, to your knowledge, been a history of singing in your family? I mean in choirs, church choirs maybe, opera, folk singing, anything like that? Do you sing yourself?”

I very happily replied, “why yes!” as I do love to sing, though it is not by far my strongest suit! I wondered though at the really strange questions. Then another story arrived to which I responded in peals of laughter with tears running down my cheeks! Here is the tale my friend spun for me!

The Homo sapiens prototype men were chewing their mammoth steak, mulling over how things might turn out in a couple of million years and inventing names for the emerging specialists among their group (the Porters, Fowlers and the like), smoking complex mixtures of plant alkaloids and sipping herbal ferments.

The women were rushing round keeping the fires going (Homo erectus used fire, we know that), washing this, cleaning that, preparing the other, bearing babies, looking after the kids and generally doing womanly duties.

All of a sudden the wise old man looked up from the fire as he heard the most beautiful singing coming from within the cave. He traced it to a young woman who was singing to herself while stitching an antelope skin for her man. She was singing about the sagas of the mythology of how her world came into being. She was extremely beautiful and had long tresses of golden hair that ran down over her naked shoulders and covered her, errm, covered her bosom.

The Elder said, “that is beautiful, you can specialise in singing and keeping our mythology going through song. In fact you are charged with forming a choir so we don’t have all our eggs in one basket. I shall call you My choir”.

Now you know how words can become corrupted over time; they can become shortened, contracted, abbreviated, letters lost or added here and there according to convenience and fashion. Our vocabulary is littered with examples.

Anyhow, back at the ranch, after successive generations of “My choirs” the name got abbreviated to “M’choir” but the “ch” was a bit of a mouthful, and “M’goir” became adopted. Now, the section of the population of M’goirs that settled in Ireland transformed the spelling to conform with established literary custom and it became McGoir. Then some monk that was trying to put this down on parchment made a silly transcription error, and for ever after it has been written as McGuire.

It’s obvious, really, isn’t it?

So tell me, do, how clever you think my friend is and if his tale is true that I am forever destined to the back of a cave doing “womanly duties” and wishing for a sweater!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

2008-06-09T08:56:00.000-05:00

.......to litlLuther, who is the father of big, brand new baby boy.

Meet Samuel!

Unplanted seeds

2008-05-30T08:58:00.000-05:00

I came home last night from work with a great treasure, old-fashioned sweet pea seeds! Now, that's a rather strange thing for a neurobiologist to bring home from a day at work, but it wasn't a regular work day. I was at a research retreat listening to talks from 8 to 5. While this may sound dusty and boring, it wasn't. The students from my department gave talks all day long about their research and, by in large, they did an excellent job! The setting was pretty wonderful too, The Morton Arboretum in Lisle, IL. Sweet peas were one of my grandmother's favorites and I, the child who loved to dig in the dirt, planted them for years for my own mother. I am excited to take these special seeds for old-fashioned varieties and get them in the dirt so I can enjoy the flowers later!

These seed packages took on a whole new meaning this morning though as I read Ted's May 30th post. One brief statement about scripture, "it's to penetrate into our lives and change us from the inside out" brought a quick visual of my beloved seeds, sitting in little envelopes on my coffee table; they are full of potential but going nowhere because they have not been planted and allowed to "die" in the soil. I wondered briefly how this paralleled what was happening in my life right now.

A strange comparison you think? No, it seemed to me that somehow it was just right as my life contains areas with great potential for wonder and beauty, grant applications that contain incredibly good and exciting data with potential for really helping suffering people, my daughter looking for a new job closer home so that she can actually have a life instead of spending a couple of hours on the road each day commuting, her boyfriend willingly looking for a job here rather than remaining in Virginia just so they can be together and get to know one another better. All these things seem just like my seed envelopes, full of potential for great beauty and delight. And yet, like my seeds sitting on the coffee table, they seem to be producing nothing beautiful at all. Grants, really good grants that my position depends on, aren't funded - because somehow the reviewers didn't get the supplemental data I sent; young adults who are great teachers applying for jobs in a town that needs good teachers and has open positions for them - but each time they are shut out without even an interview; my poor health that seems like it will never be "fixed" so there are days full of exhaustion and low productivity when maximum efficient output is needed. None of it makes sense as from the hands of a loving God.

And yet I wonder, is it just that I need to let these things go, let them fall from my fingers as seeds dropped into the darkeness of the soil to die. Am I instead holding on to them with a tight fist that refuses to let them fall to the ground to die? If so, am I missing the great joy of seeing them die only to live again in a more beautiful and fragrant form? So, I guess the question really is, as Ted has already put it, whether I allow the Word to become flesh in me, dying to myself that I might truly live?

Not soon enough

2008-05-25T22:19:00.000-05:00

So, here we are at week 7, with one week to go before we can bring Basil Rathbone home. Thought I'd give you a peek.

On listening

2008-05-20T16:07:00.000-05:00

" I believe that the Bible alone is the answer to all our questions and that to receive an answer from it, we only need to ask with persistence and a little courage."

"Faith does not depend on dead letters but on the living Lord, who places himself before us as on whose commanding word transcends all doubts about the Bible and its stories."

From Reflections on the Bible, by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, pages 2 and 67, respectively.

And so it is with me as it was with young Samuel; I say, "Speak, for your servant hears." (1 Samuel 3:10)

More on Good and Evil

2008-05-17T11:54:00.000-05:00

Even though we've had several conversations already on good and evil, I thought this quotation of Dietrich Bonhoeffer's very interesting,

'After all, what is the "good and evil" about which Christ asks? (2Cor5:10) The "good" is nothing other than seeking God's grace and grasping it; the "evil is nothing other than the anxiety of wanting to stand before God on our own merits, the will to be righteous in and of ourselves. "Repent" - that refers to nothing else than this turning, this complete reorientation away from our own works and to God's mercy and taking our stand there. "Turn back" - to what? To the eternal grace of God, to the One who does not abandon us, to the One whose heart is broken about us, because this God loves us, his creatures, in a way that can never be measured.'

Not Home Yet!

2008-05-05T07:19:00.000-05:00

Our friend Dana has posted a most interesting blog on anticipation.

Although I prefer full-blown spring or early summer, I can certainly see her point in being attracted to the anticipation of spring as much as to spring itself!

We are a household of anticipation right now as we await our new addition. Please meet four-week-old Basil, as in Basil Rathbone. The breeder tells me that Basil is quite runcible! And, since the original Basil grew up in the UK, this should not surprise us! Full of boyish enthusiasm, he just did not want to be still for the photo session! Hopefully we will have him home by early in June when he is eight weeks old!

It is always funny to me how God uses everyday occurrences, like the addition of a new puppy, to teach me about whom He is. Indeed, a few moments from the day we chose Basil resonate deeply within my soul, teaching me about living a life in anticipation of a hope, as Dana says, “that will not disappoint”. Recent changes in my medical school/hospital system have heads rolling; I just did not think that mine would be among them. While visiting with young friends yesterday, one asked, "just what does that mean that you received a terminal contract?" My daughter, who at 23.5 yrs, has a remarkable ability to put things in perspective, quickly answered for me with a brilliantly simple summation, "it a year's notice that you have been fired!"

As I contemplated the uncertainty of my life with questions such as, “will I get grant funding and be able to stay - and if I do, should I”, or “what else am I even qualified to do”, and the ever present “what DO I want to be when I grow up”, I found myself becoming quite anxious. While praying for wisdom, God brought to mind the memory of two-week-old Basil, cuddled in my arms, snuggled against my heart. I realized that what I needed more than a new job was to stay close to His heartbeat, in the place of safety and security, full of anticipation for the future.

So, when doubts assail, and of course they do, I remember that I have a sure hope, both now and in the future. I'm really not home yet ………

More on evil

2008-04-22T15:54:00.000-05:00

A little bit ago, we were discussing the origin of evil. Actually, we had quite a lively discussion!

I ran across this sentence in AW Tozer's Knowledge of the Holy, that I think expresses what I was trying to say so very much better than I ever could, I wanted to share it with you.

From the chapter, The Justice of God

"Everything in the universe is good to the degree it conforms to the nature of God and evil as it fails to do so."

What it took me a post and several responses to say, he has said perfectly in one sentence!

More on prayer

2008-04-19T09:32:00.000-05:00

I love to read Tozer. He never fails to touch my soul as he writes and it is always practical, something I can practice today! So was this morning's devotional which made me think to share it with you. I will post more later on why this has been such an incredibly difficult week and therefore why this particular devotional meant so much to me!

"When entering the prayer chamber, we must come filled with faith and armed with courage. Nowhere else in the whole field of religious thought and activity is courage so necessary as in prayer. The successful prayer must be one without condition. We must believe that God is love and that, being love, He cannot harm us but must ever do us good. Then we must throw ourselves before Him and pray with boldness for whatever we know our good and His glory require, and the cost is no object! Whatever He in His love and wisdom would assess against us, we will accept with delight because it pleased Him. Prayers like that cannot go unanswered. The character and reputation of God guarantee their fulfillment.

We should always keep in mind the infinite loving kindness of God. No one need fear to put his life in His hands. His yoke is easy; His burden is light."

From: We Travel an Appointed Way, p. 48

For Simon

2008-04-15T22:21:00.000-05:00

A while back, Simon left this comment, "NOW can we discuss the lords prayer and what it means to us?"

While I'm sure this may be a controversial post, I thought I would address his request. So Simon, here is my Lord's Prayer for this evening.

[Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed by thy name]

First, I acknowledge you as my Father, the creator of all things, the one who is lofty, high and lifted up in a place that I cannot ascend to. Your name is holy, your being is holy – you are set apart, entirely different from everything else that is; you alone are God; you alone are pure perfection.

[Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.]

I pray that your kingdom will come to this earth, to your creation and all that it contains, including all people, that they would come to know you for who you are, the perfect, pure and holy one.

Oh Father, help me to know and do your will the same way it is done in heaven, the way the angels do it – completely, quickly and with gladness, delighted to serve you. Help me to hear what it is that you are asking me to do and to trust you, to follow through in faith.

[Give us this day, our daily bread; and forgive us our debts as we also have forgive our debtors.]

Oh Father, help me to understand that I only need see what I need to do today and only need to have what I need today. I so desperately need to learn to leave tomorrow for itself. Help me to remember to be faithful this day and to look to you for what I need this day – to walk by faith, not by sight.

Forgive me for where I have failed to do what I ought to do and where I have done what I ought not have. Help me always to remember how incredibly much you have forgiven me and to be willing to forgive readily the things others have done to hurt me. Bring to my remembrance how little I am asked to forgive in comparison to what you have already forgiven me.

[And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil.]

Father, keep me from temptation. You know the desires of my heart and you also know its weakness. Please protect me in these areas and help me to trust your provision for my life. Help me to be wise and see evil for what it is and to walk away from it, trusting that your ways are not only higher, but better for me.

[For thine is the kingdom and the power and glory, forever]

Let me to remember that you are the one who is seated on the throne of all that exists; keep ever present in my mind that nothing is outside of your power, that nothing can touch me but that you allow it. Help me to trust you to guide and protect me. Remind me that it is not by man’s might, nor by his power but by your spirit that your kingdom moves forward. Help me not to fear my current work situation, remembering always that you are in control and the power of my university system is nothing in comparison to you. Help me to walk by faith through this difficult time, one step at a time, holding fast to your hand, doing your will day by day.

You, oh Lord, are glorious beyond compare. Whom do I have in all of heaven and earth that compares with you? You are the bright and shinning one who lights the dark souls of men and shines your truth into us. Warm us with your light, drive out the shadows and darkness from our souls with your glory – for this moment and forever and ever.

[Amen]

May it always be so!

To know and be known

2008-04-05T13:23:00.000-05:00

"And to us who have fled for refuge to lay hold upon the hope that is set before us in the gospel, how unutterably sweet is the knowledge that our Heavenly Father knows us completely... no unsuspected weakness in our characters can come to light to turn God away from us, since He knew us utterly before we knew Him and called us to Himself in the full knowledge of everything that was against us."

The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozier

I recently wrote to a friend that I thought perhaps, as a woman, the desire of my heart was to be known for exactly who I am and loved because of it, not despite it.

How comforting is this chapter (The Divine Omniscience) from Tozier because it reminds me that I already am - known completely - past, present, future - and irregardless of what is found, I am loved with an everlasting love.

Easter in Richmond

2008-03-22T10:32:00.000-05:00

My daughter and I are in Richmond VA for spring break, visiting family and friends. Although not a total vacation for me as I had to bring work with me, it is a glorious break from Chicago.

Richmond in the spring is a lovely sight to behold. Though it is still early in the season, the sun is warm and there are flowers and trees blooming. It is actually warm enough that I, though cold natured, am sitting outside with my laptop. Since Chicago is blanketed by several inches of snow, it makes this Saturday morning even sweeter!

Spring, the renewal of all things after the cold and dark of winter, is a wonderful thing both for my body and my soul. I love snow and the beginning of winter, but it's not too long into the dark days of Chicago's winters that I begin to yearn for spring with its sunshine and warmth. In a similar sense, I wait for Resurrection Sunday each year in the same way I wait for spring, knowing that it will come each and every year. Yes, Easter Sunday is a day I look forward to with great anticipation! I suppose it is only a day of special remembrance, but I still love all that it represents.

In the same fashion, I also look forward to that day when Christ comes back again. The winter that all of creation has endured these long years will be over, never to dawn again - no more pain, no more tears, no more darkness or sin.

A blessed Easter to you all - for He is risen - He is risen indeed!

It Just Seems Wrong

2008-03-13T23:59:00.000-05:00

That it would take more than 10 minutes and hard study of the written directions and the remote control for a reasonably intelligent woman to change the time on the DVD player!

But, I am sad to say, this is the total truth!

Remembering who I am

2008-03-10T00:11:00.000-05:00

Sometimes science is difficult for me – and an extended week of science away from home is even more so. It’s not that it’s not fun or beneficial. It’s not that I don’t have good friends from other parts of the country – the world for that matter - that I look forward to seeing. It’s not even that I don’t love science, for I do. There’s just no down time and I tend to forget who I really am. I play a part for so long that I forget that, even though this part is a true component of the whole, it is not the complete package.

I’ve long compared my personality to the structure of an M&M. All most really see is the bright, shiny candy coating – colorful, even attractive – the gracious Southern woman who smiles and befriends everyone and puts them at ease, the one everyone, except those closest to me, assumes is an extravert. But, that is such a small part of the total package.

It is good to be home and sit quietly with scripture and remember, despite my mercurial feelings, who I am. It is good to be with friends who really know me, to let down the candy-coated guard and just be myself.

Off To Nerd Land - Yahhoo!

2008-02-28T07:55:00.000-06:00

Today is a long day - a dissertation defense this afternoon and I still need to slug through some 60 odd pages of his dissertation and some additional departmental paperwork I'm sure as it seems I'm always behind in that. Then there's the data that still needs to be sent in to a grant agency and packing up the teaching material I need to read while away. Then there will be errands to run and packing! Goodness, I'm making myself tired.

I'm off to San Antonio in the morning to attend the Neurochemistry meeting. Hopefully the US meeting will find better weather than the International one which, after I'd been in Mexico for a week for a pre-meeting school, wound up in a hurricane. I'm looking forward to this meeting very much. The science is good; the people are personable; the weather promises to be sunny and warm, whereas we are expecting more snow tonight here in Chicago.

I'll be around in cyberspace though; the laptop travels with me like an extra appendage! I've asked my friend Dianne to keep an eye on things as she is a favorite of Lorenzo's and mine as well - so BE NICE!

Two posts in one day???????

2008-02-19T11:12:00.000-06:00

Another quote from “Running Scared: fear, worry, and the God of rest” by Edward T. Welch,

“Any interest anyone has in Jesus Christ is not natural to us. It is stirred by God himself. Does it make any sense that God would arouse such an interest in the kingdom but exclude you from it?”

It just reminded me of a conversation that my friends Dianne, Maalie and Lorenzo were having on my blog one day.

Faith and Feeling

2008-02-19T11:08:00.000-06:00

I have just finished reading a most interesting book, “Running Scared: fear, worry, and the God of rest” by Edward T. Welch, one of my favorite authors. As usual, his understanding of life and its difficulties, human frailty and the true nature of God have been helpful in working through the juxtaposition of my faith and my feelings.

What strikes me as ironic is that there is never a struggle between my faith and my science. They lay along side each other in a way that each strengthens the other. The words of CS Lewis express it well, “In science we have been reading only the notes to a poem; in Christianity we find the poem itself.”

What troubles me is that my theology and my feelings just don’t always line up, and then I must decide which to follow, my faith or my fear. Hebrews 11:6, “and without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.” I believe that He is, I come and I seek, yet, do I really expect to be rewarded? Probably not, and yet, it is what the passage says.

And again, in 1John 4:18-19, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. We love, because He first loved us.” If you know me, you know that I am a fearful creature, so surely again, my feelings do not line up, not yet anyway, with what scripture says. I know He loves me, enough to sacrifice His only Son for me, so why would I doubt that He would provide for me what I truly need. And yet I fear punishment for just not getting life quite right, something I manage to do on a regular basis!

So, how do I handle this? I walk by faith, not by sight (2Cor 5:7, Co 2:6,7), remembering that my feelings may lie to me (Jer 17:9) and that what is true, what is trustworthy, is God’s character as revealed in scripture. He alone is unchanging (James 1:17).

And – I remember that feelings follow actions – I check the actions that have led me to this place of confusion and pain and then I repent. I love Welch’s little axiom, “when in doubt, repent” as I find it to be so true. Then, I step out in faith again and do what I know to be true, what is according to His Words, trusting once again, for His positive outcome and knowing that correct feelings will follow correct actions.

NOT ASHAMED!

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